Love's Labor Lost
by genvessel
Summary: Post White House The journey of Josh's family
1. Musical Redemption

**Love's Labor Lost**  
_  
This is the first story in the Drea universe and it was written in response to the ER episode that Bradley Whitford guest-starred on years ago by the same name. NBC reran the ER ep last March and it got me thinking "What if Josh were Mr. O'Brien - the character that Brad played on ER"... Well, this is my version of an answer._

xxxxx

"Everybody ready?" President Josiah Bartlet called to his fellow groomsmen.

"Yeah, let's get going before Josh spontaneously combusts," Sam Seaborn commented, fixing his tuxedo tie for the last time

"Oh, so funny. I've waited for almost nine months, I think I can wait five more minutes," Josh Lyman replied to his friend. "Are you guys ready yet?"

Laughing, Jed led the way to the door that would lead them to the altar.

Toby Ziegler, Sam, Leo McGarry and, eventually Josh, followed Jed through the door.

"Hey Josh," Jed whispered quietly to his young colleague, "you nervous?"

Josh met his eyes, "Yeah."

"She loves you."

Josh grinned, "Yeah."

"It'll be good."

Josh's grin widened, "yeah."

"Well, I just wanted to say that I'm here for you when it's not. Our job can be really hard and it'll put a lot of strain on your marriage, but we're all here for you."

"Thanks, sir. Thanks a lot." Josh nodded to his boss as Jed put his arm around Josh's shoulders.

xxxxx

Most of the ceremony was a complete blur to Josh. Once Felicity Stidham, his amazingly wonderful bride-to-be, began to walk down the aisle, all intelligent thoughts flew out of his head.

He had met her two years before, during Bartlet's third year in office. The whole senior staff was swamped with re-election business, so no one really minded when Bartlet told them that they were all going to the Kennedy Center one night to hear the Metropolitan Opera's performance of the Mozart Requiem. Little did any of them know that Josh would leave the building completely in love with the alto soloist.

After dropping the President's name quite a few times, Josh had forced his way back into the dressing room of Felicity O'Brien. Among the many things that he discovered was that O'Brien was only her stage name; she was really Felicity Stidham. He asked her out for coffee and they had spent nearly three hours that night talking about everything and nothing. 

The man that walked into Josh's office the next morning was completely different than the one who had walked out the night before. Donna's first indication was that he was whistling.

"Hey, Josh," Donna had said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, my dear Donnatella?" He had responded.

"Everything good?"

"Donna," Josh paused at her desk, "have you ever spent time with someone you just met and feel as though you've known them your whole life? Because I did last night and let me tell you, it's amazing!"

"Joshua, are you drunk?"

"Drunk!" Josh laughed, "Absolutely not, Donna! This is simply my day of jubilee."

"Yeah," she rolled her eyes. "You've got Ann Stark at 10 and senior staff in five."

"Thus ends my day of jubilee."

Donna smiled, but she knew that he was telling the truth. He only acted this giddy when he was drunk or when they had just done something right, like pass a bill or win an election.

"Well, it's about time," Ginger commented from behind her.

"What?"

"Josh Lyman finally got himself a woman."

Truer words had never been spoken. Josh had gotten himself a woman. But, if truth be told, the woman had really gotten him.

Josh smiled at the woman in his arms as the glided across the dance floor. "We did it."

Her green eyes danced at him, "Yeah."

"You going to sing for me every night now, right?"

"No."

He laughed, "Marriage is all about compromise."

"Well, if I sang for you all of the time, I wouldn't have a voice left and then, well.." Felicity trailed of, grinning impishly.

"But then you could stay home all day and raise babies."

"Who said anything about babies?"

"Ok, so not babies. Would you like to raise guinea pigs?"

Felicity Lyman laughed out loud, "Yes, my love. If you want me to raise guinea pigs, I will raise guinea pigs."

"I'd rather have you raise babies that look like you," he murmured, as his pressed his lips to hers.

"Are the babies that important?" She asked as the kiss broke.

He frowned slightly and weighed his words carefully. "I've always wanted kids, but no, they're not that important. Why?"

"It's just that, well, women in my family have traditionally had a hard time conceiving."

"Well," he pointed out, "one of them must have been successful if I have you."

"I'm just saying it might take a while," Felicity commented.

"I'm a patient man."

"No, you're not."

"As long as the waiting is with you, Liss, I'll wait forever."

Felicity's eyes welled with tears and she pulled her husband closer. "I love you."

Speaking the words into her hair, he responded, "I love you, too."

"Do you see them?" Abbey Bartlet said to her husband as they, too, glided across the dance floor of the White House Ballroom. "I've never seen Josh this happy."

Jed smiled, "Women do funny things to men, Abigail. I've looked like that for years."

Kissing him for the compliment, Abbey continued, "Did you ever think that he'd marry a musician?"

"After the ATVA guy's diagnosis? The thought never occurred to me," the President admitted.

"Life's funny like that, eh?"

"Yes, my dear, life is funny indeed."

xxxxx

_BE-E-E-EP_

Josh checked his pager. "Who could be paging me? It's one am and I'm on Air Force One en route to London."

0511

His anniversary

"What's Lis doing up now?" he mumbled softly, hoping not to wake the sleeping President across the aisle.

Yanking out his cell phone, he hastily pressed the speed dial button for his house.

"Lyman's."

"Lis, what's wrong?"

"Did I wake you up," he could almost see her brow puckering in concern.

"Felicity, it's one am."

"Sorry, I forgot about the time change. It's only 9 p.m. here."

"It's ok, so did I." Glancing at his watch and then to the clock on the wall, he continued, "The clock on the wall changes automatically."

"Seriously? I didn't know clocks could do that. But, then again, when you're the President, they get you cool gadgets like that. So –"

"Lis," Josh grinned and cut her off quietly, "what's up?" He quietly climbed out of his comfortable position and moved into the next room. 

"You know how I didn't feel too well when you left yesterday?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I was talking to Mrs. Bartlet –"

"Who really wants you to call her Abbey –"

"- And she," Felicity continued, ignoring her husband's interruption, "told me that I should go get checked out and –" she paused.

"And-"

"I'm pregnant, Josh."

Josh almost dropped the phone from the sheer shock of her statement.

"Joshua, are you there?"

"Felicity, are you serious? That's amazing!"

Her musical laughter filled his ears, "As a heart attack, love. We're going to have a baby."

"But I thought Dr. Magyar decided that you can't, I mean, I thought we were going to have to adopt."

"That's what I thought, too."

He began pacing from the excitement that was building up inside of him. "Lis, this really isn't fair of you."

"To get pregnant?"

"No, to tell me when I'm on a plane with the President and I won't be home for another three days."

"I could catch the Concord."

"On our salaries?"

"I could drop your name."

"Which will get you nowhere."

"Fine, the President's then. I could always have Mrs. B- Abbey call and scare the hell out of the airline," Felicity pointed out.

Josh laughed and shook his head, "Don't you have your thing tonight?"

"You know, you're always telling me about your '760' and yet your vocabulary seems to consists solely of the word 'thing'."

"It's a good word," he pointed out, sheepishly.

She sighed, "Yes, my Joshua, my thing is tonight.

"What is it again?"

"Handel's Messiah at the National Cathedral."

"Aren't you doing that for the President?"

"Well, not single handedly or anything. There are about 125 other people involved."

"Lis –"

"Yeah, we're doing it for the President."

"But he's in London."

"It's just the dress rehearsal. The concert's on Sunday."

"Am I coming?"

"If you want to see your son."

"Oh, it's a son, now, is it."

"Women's intuition."

"You know, you never used to say that until you became friend's with CJ and Donna."

"The whole senior staff is front row, love."

"Are you using O'Brien?"

"My bio says Felicity Lyman."

Josh grinned and checked the clock on the wall, "As much as I could listen to your voice for the rest of the trip,"

"You've got a thing," Felicity interrupted.

"Yeah."

"Ok, I love you, Papa Lyman."

Josh's entire face broke out into a grin, "I love you too, Mama Lyman."

"Can you believe it?" She said quietly.

"Nine months." The serious of the issue at hand was finally working its way into Josh's brain. 

"Call me when you have a chance," Felicity responded. She had long ago learned that 'call me when you land' was not always feasible.

"Always. Bye."

"Bye."

Snapping his phone shut, Josh made his way back to his seat, only to find the President up and staring right at him.

"Congratulations, Joshua," Jed said quietly.

"What, sir?" Josh wasn't sure he had heard the man correctly.

"I overheard your conversation with Felicity. Congratulations."

Josh grinned, "Thanks, sir."

"Do you remember what I told you the night of Ellie's thing?"

Josh racked his brain for a second, and then nodded. "Yeah, I remember."

"About how there are worst excuses to do things than to do them for your daughter?"

"Yeah."

"Do you understand now?"

Josh thought for a minute, "Except that Lis says we're having a boy."

Jed snorted, "She's, what, three weeks along? Trust me, you want a girl."

"I always thought that men wanted boys," Josh was confused.

Jed shook his head wisely, "Not if they have any sense at all. If you have a girl, there are so many more opportunities that present themselves. Threatening boyfriends, cutting phone privileges, the works."

Josh smiled, remembering President Bartlet's past comments about constructing a dungeon for Zoey.

"You'll become so consumed by this amazing little creature that you've helped create, that you'll want to keep them locked up, so that no one could ever hurt them. Then, one day, some one will. And then, your heart will break. And you'll lash out at them, putting all sorts of restrictions on them, hoping and praying that they'll work. That your precious baby girl won't know the evils of this world." Jed stopped and sighed deeply, the kind of sigh known only to fathers. "And then, one day, you'll wake up and you'll realize that you're walking her down the aisle and streams of that god-awful song, Butterfly Kisses, are streaming through your head and you begin to realize how true they are."

Jed looked over and Josh and put his hand on his shoulder, "Trust me, you want a girl."

"Ok, sir," Josh responded, not sounding too sure.

"Call your mother," Leo said from the doorway.

Josh spun in his seat, "She'll be in bed."

"She won't care."

"Yeah," Josh replied sheepishly, as he once again reached for his cell phone. 

_Ring_

"Hi, Mom? It's me. Yeah, everything's great. Everything ok with you? Good. Listen, I know it's late, but I had to tell you, Felicity and I are going to have a baby."

Jed and Leo laughed as Josh yanked the phone away from his ear suddenly, "Mom! Yeah, I'm sure. Listen, I'm on a plane, so call Lis and she'll fill you in, bye." Josh snapped the phone shut with authority.

"What was that all about?" Leo asked.

"She started screaming and praying at the same time, in Yiddish," Josh made a face.

Jed laughed, "Don't mess with the grandparents."

As the three men made their way to the meeting room on board, Leo patted Josh on the shoulder, "Congratulations, Josh. Ya done good." 


	2. Dry Tears

xxxxx

"Has anyone heard yet?" Jed looked out at his senior staff members gathered at GW hospital. The President and Leo had been in the Situation Room when Charlie told them that Josh had called and there was something wrong with the Felicity. While the rest of the senior staff had rushed over to GW, President Bartlet wrapped up the meeting as fast as he could without causing a war of some sort.

"Josh ran in here about ten minutes ago. They delivered the baby," Toby whispered quietly.

"And?" Jed motioned for him to go on.

"She's stable for now," Donna said quietly.

Jed's face broke out into a half grin, "So they did have a girl. And Lis is alright?"

"Ten minutes ago, she was unconscious," CJ said from the other side of the room.

Jed sunk into a chair and began to speak without thinking, "Someone get Abbey over here, now. Someone else call Josh's mom. CJ, make sure that none of this gets to the press. Where's Josh, I want to see him."

"I'm afraid you can't do that, sir," a voice said from the doorway."I'm Dr. Barrack, the chief of OB here at GW. Mr. Lyman is with his daughter right now in a special room. She's in very fragile condition, and we have her in a bubble."

"And Felicity?" Sam asked, even though he was afraid to.

"Mrs. Lyman suffers from something called eclampsia. It's a disorder that develops in the latter half of the pregnancy. Mrs. Lyman's blood pressure is abnormally high and she's suffering from frequent seizures. When we delivered the baby, which we had to do by cesarean section, we discovered that her uterus was bleeding profusely, and we have since been trying to stop the bleeding." The doctor paused, indicating that he was open to questions.

"Doctor, correct me if I'm wrong, but the bleeding came from the placenta separating from the uterus, right?" Donna spoke quietly.

The doctor was surprised, "Yes, ma'am. That's right."

Donna smiled weakly,"I was a pre-med major for a year. And that's fatal, right?"

Once again, Dr. Barrack nodded gravely, "It can be. But I've got 7 of my best men in there right now to make sure that it doesn't. I'm going to head back in there now, sir." He acknowledged the President before making his way out.

"I'm going to go talk to him," CJ followed the doctor out.

"Sir," Leo said quietly, "you need to get back."

"No." Jed said firmly. "At least not until Abbey is here."

xxxxx

CJ watched through the window of the operating room in horror. She had just finished making it very clear to Dr. Barrack that nothing got leaked to the press. And now she was watching him valiantly trying to save her friend's life.

_Oh, dear God, she looks so dead. Did Josh see her like this? How is there anyway anyone could live after they've looked like that?_

And then CJ's attention was drawn to sudden change in Felicity's heart monitor.

Flat line.

Glancing frantically at the doctors, waiting for them to do something. But in her heart of hearts, she knew that there was nothing.

She saw Dr. Barrack remove his gloves and say, "Time of death, 1604."

She felt her knees give out beneath her as she crumbled to the floor in a mass of sobs.

xxxxx

_ 2 Days Later  
_  
Joshua Lyman sat numbly as he watched his wife's casket get lowered into the ground.

_No. No. It's the wrong person in there. Not my wife. Not my joy. Not my happiness._

Surrounded by his closest friends and family, Josh knew that he should be crying. Showing some sort of emotion or something. But there were no more tears in his pain-ravaged body. There was no more emotion in his weary soul.

He had chosen not to speak at the funeral. He knew that he couldn't. There was no way that he could put into words what this woman was to him.

Wisely, CJ had ordered a press blackout and the President had barred Felicity's fans from attending the simple service, leaving Josh alone with the people he trusted most. It didn't help the pain.

Josh knew that he had to be strong for Rebecca. His beautiful, wonderful, tiny Rebecca. She would need him to be strong. But thinking about her made it hurt even worse.

So he just chose to think about nothing at all.

He heard all of the wonderful words that everyone had said about his Felicity, but, at the same time, he didn't. He couldn't have completely grasped what was going on, because he refused to believe that it was happening.

Climbing back into the limo, he felt CJ climb in next to him.

"Joshua," she said quietly, "you can cry now."

"I don't have any tears left."

She smiled sadly,"That's ok. I just wanted to make sure you didn't think you needed to be strong or anything."

"No, I just don't have -" he choked back a sob. "CJ, I miss her so much."

Ushering him into her lap, CJ felt her tears mix with his. 'How is he ever going to survive this? How are we ever going to survive this?'

All she knew was that Josh's entire life was going to be Rebecca Lyman.

And she was scared.

xxxxx

I never wanted to be a mail girl.

Seriously, it was never on my list of career aspirations.

And yet, a mail girl I have become.

In the past three months since Felicity died and Rebecca was born, Josh has received about 1.2 million letters. That's more than the President receives in a year.

And being Josh's trusty assistant, it has become my job to go through them.

Letters, cards, prayers, Josh gets just about everything. I save the cute ones and the sweet ones. They all get automatic thank-you notes back, but I write real ones to those Josh actually reads. Every once and while, we get a letter written to Rebecca. I usually keep these, because they're usually really well written.

I spend most of my time reading letters.

Which is cool with me, because I need something to do.

Josh hasn't been around much lately. And every time he's actually here, he looks like something that my roommate's cat dragged in, chewed up and then threw up on. I am in no way exaggerating. He wanders in, insists on doing work and is promptly sent home by Leo, the President or Mrs. Bartlet, whoever gets to him first.

Don't get me wrong; he's not neglecting his duties. He's just doing them from home. With a three month old baby girl on his lap.

_X Lip quivers X_

I miss him so much.

I miss the banter, the yelling, and the outlandish demands. I miss the way he demanded coffee even though he knew I wouldn't get it. I miss the way he always took time to explain things to me without making me feel stupid for never graduating from college.

I wonder if he needs me?

It's 3 pm. I can't call because Becca will be napping.

I'll just go over there.

Just to give him his mail and check up on Becca.

xxxxx

It's got to be hard, having your daughter's birthday and the anniversary of your wife's death on the same day.

My goddaughter was 6 months old yesterday and my best friend's wife died sixth months ago yesterday.

I don't know how Josh does it.

I know that the only thing that keeps him going day to day is Becca. She's everything to him. I've never known a man so passionate about his daughter.

He came in for senior staff yesterday while Donna watched Becca in Josh's office. He refuses to hire a babysitter. That child is simply going to be raised in the White House. He's really good at taking care of her and the country at the same time; he's been doing it for half of a year now.

But anyway, at senior staff yesterday, he introduced this education plan he's been working on. I don't fully understand it, but it's an offshoot of Charlie's idea about tuition incentives.

It's amazing. It's the revitalization that this country needs. And all it took was for Josh to become a father.

He won't have to buy clothes for her until she 12, because every woman that works in the West Wing has bought, and continues to buy, clothes and stuff for Josh's little woman. Rebecca Lyman is quickly becoming the most popular and spoiled child in the White House.

I just hope her father can hold up.

xxxxx

He's doing it again.

I know he is. 

He's doing what he did after Roslyn.

He's stuffing it all inside.

I've seen Josh everyday since the funeral, and to my knowledge, he hasn't cried for Felicity since that day.

The man's wife has been dead for a year and he hasn't cried since three days after she died.

I've been doing a little research on how people cope with the death of a spouse and there's this thing called grief work. It's the process by which people create a new identity for themselves after their spouse dies. First, they go through denial. Josh went through that in about a week, which is normal. Then, they mourn. I'm pretty sure that Josh skipped this one all together. The next step is depression, otherwise known as the land of Josh Lyman. Then, the person finally recovers.

There was a footnote in the book I read that said it takes longer for men to complete the process than women.

Frankly, I'm worried.

He's going to blow.

Before, it wasn't so bad. Just some broken glass and some screaming.

Now, he's got Rebecca.

He would never, ever hurt her.

But it's just a whole other factor in it all.

Josh wanted to cover his bases where it came to Rebecca and so he secured two godparents. Sam and I.

"Claudia Jean," he said to me, as I was feeding her one day, "you're a natural."

That lead to a discussion about women's intuition and how much I wanted children.

"You could have mine," he had said softly. "If anything ever happens to me, I want you and Sam to take care of her."

Raising an eyebrow, I had replied, "Should Spanky and I tie the knot for this little arrangement?"

Rebecca had begun to fuss at that moment, indicating a necessary diaper change. 

We had never actually finished the discussion, but I heard him talking to her later.

"Drea," he whispered, "One day, you're going to grow up. As much as I hate thinking about it, you are. And you're going to have questions that I don't know how to answer and you're going to want to go shopping and things. At that point, I will direct you towards your Aunt CJ. She is wise in the ways of womanhood, and she's really rather good at it. However, if she ever married Sam, I would question her judgment."

Rebecca's middle name is Andrea. Rebecca Andrea Lyman. Felicity wanted a daughter named Rebecca more than life itself and Josh liked Andrea. So he named her Rebecca but calls her Andrea, or Drea for short.

"I know that you can't talk back to me and that you don't understand most of what I'm saying," he continued to his daughter as he rocked her to sleep, "but I'm going to keep talking in hope that osmosis really does work."

I had to stifle laughter at that point.

"You are going to be raised around the most amazing people on the planet. I may be rather partial, but they are. They are exactly the kind of people that I want you to emulate. I want you to be a servant, like Donna, compassionate, like CJ, passionate, like Toby, but please have a better disposition than Toby, optimistic, like Sam, loyal, like Leo, and reliable and responsible like Charlie."

He thinks I'm compassionate. _X grin X_

"But, Drea, I don't know what I'm going to do without your mom."

Darn it, he was doing so good there for a while. 

I know that he's going to loose it and I think it's going to be soon. No one else sees it, but Josh and I are tuned to each other.

I just need to make sure I'm there to pick up the pieces. 


	3. The New Nanny

**Author Note**: So, this chapter is pretty short… sorry, but it's setting up some longer stuff. Thanks for all the reviews, guys. They mean a lot.

xxxxx

"Donna!" Josh bellowed from the depths of his office.

"Yeah?" She called back from her desk.

"When's the next interview?"

Donna checked the paper in front of her, "20 minutes."

"Thanks," he called back. He began to flip through the pages in front of him and then addressed the infant playing on his floor.

"Drea, I'm not sure that there's anyone fit to take care of you. We're on prospective nanny number 14 and I'm getting impatient."

Drea looked up at her father as if to say 'what else is new?'

He chuckled at the face she was making and scooped her up in his arms. It was this tender scene that Leo walked in on.

"Josh, I love her too, but she's almost two years old. You've got to get her out of here."

"She's one year and nine months, Leo, and I'm trying." Josh sighed. "I'm interviewing a girl in 20 minutes. She's the last one. If she's not perfect, I'm taking my mother up on her offer."

Leo smirked, "You're going to let your mother move in with you."

Josh scowled at Leo, "For the sake of Drea, yes I will."

"Who's the girl coming in?" Leo asked.

"Charlie's next door neighbor. She's worked in a day care center for a few years now. He says that she's good."

"Hope it works out," Leo said as he walked out the door, "Staff at 11."

Josh nodded to himself and ran his fingers through Drea's thin red hair. She looks like Lis more and more every day.

Donna found herself staring at him through the open door of his office. He has got to get himself a wife.

xxxxx

"Ok people, it's a light day, so let's get rolling," CJ yelled over the noisy din of the press corps. Waiting patiently for them all to get settled, CJ ruffled through her papers and adjusted her glasses.

"We're ready? Good. Ok. On a more personal note, I know you're all curious who Josh hired to take care of his daughter and after three long weeks, I've finally got an answer for you. Her name is Anastasia Hunter and she's a 22-year-old graduate of George Washington University with a degree in Child Psychology. Before taking her new position, Ms. Hunter helped her mother run their neighborhood daycare center."

"CJ!"

CJ rolled her eyes, "Danny, what could you possibly have a question about?"

"What number was she?"

CJ smiled in spite of herself, "While that really is of no business to the American people who read your paper, she was number 15."

The press corps laughed corporately. They had all, in the past two years, had some sort of run in with Daddy Josh and knew how quirky he could be.

"Moving on, the President…"

xxxxx

"Mr. Lyman," Stacey called from Josh's kitchen.

"Seriously, Stacey, you've been here for three months. Call me Josh."

Stacey blushed, "Sorry, Mr. Ly- Josh. You said that Drea didn't sleep well last night. Do you want me to put her down earlier than usual? Or try to keep her schedule normal."

Josh smiled; Stacey was too good at what she did. "Use your judgment. I've got to run, I'll be late." Kissing the top of Drea's head, he grabbed his book bag and ran out the door.

xxxxx

"She's working out well," Leo randomly observed at the end of Staff that day.

"Stacey? Yeah, she's great with Drea." Josh responded.

"I heard she answered the phone yesterday."

Josh beamed, "Yeah. 'Hello, Lyman's house. This is Drea.'"

"She's amazing," Leo smiled. 

"Yeah, I think I'll keep her."

Donna came running up the hall, "Josh!"

"Donna, what?"

"Stacey just called from the hospital. Drea's not breathing."

xxxxx


	4. Normalcy

**Author Note:** Once again, thanks for the feedback… R/R…

xxxxx

I had no idea that Josh was so heavy.

I mean, he looks like a fairly healthy individual, but I was the one that caught him when he fainted at Donna's news, and let me tell you that my deputy could stand to lose a few pounds.

_Sigh_

The very last thing that this boy needs is to bury his daughter.

And if he does, I have a sinking suspicion that I'll have to bury Josh.

xxxxx

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm fairly sure that the Deputy Chief of Staff shouldn't be breaking the law. It just seems contradictory to me.

Yet, Josh Lyman did 90 the whole way to the hospital, an average of 35 miles over the speed limit.

If he had gotten caught, not only would I have an insane Josh on my hand, but a very unhappy CJ.

He tore into the emergency room like a man possessed. He had this look in his eyes that gave me the impression that he wasn't fully conscious.

Surprisingly, I wasn't scared.

I was relieved.

I couldn't help him all of those Christmases ago, because I didn't know the signs. Well, now I know the signs and he's got all of them.

So, now, I go to work. Super Donna, at it again.

First order of super hero work; prevent Josh from maiming Stacey.

xxxxx

The man seriously scared the living hell out of me.

If you ever want to know what the wrath of God is, just have Josh Lyman accuse you of killing his daughter. For 15 minutes straight.

Crying wasn't even an option; I was just paralyzed in fear.

Donna had been off trying to find Drea's doctor while Josh was verbally degrading me, or I'm sure she would have stopped it.

Thankfully, CJ came and rescued me.

After I began breathing again, I realized that the tongue-lashing that Josh was receiving was a lot worse than Josh gave me.

Donna told me when I started taking care of Drea that Josh had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and that sometimes he would fly off of the handle and that I just needed to make sure that he took his medication every morning.

So, this is just an episode. No big deal; Josh doesn't even know what he's saying.

Then why can't I stop shaking?

xxxxx

After CJ had been talking to Josh for about 10 minutes, she cast a glance over to Stacey. The girl was shaking.

"Josh," CJ whispered into his ear, "you need to apologize."

He sighed, "Yeah."

And just as he was about to, Drea's doctor appeared at the door.

"Mr. Lyman? Rebecca's stable."

Josh began to cry from relief, and Stacey stopped shaking.

Quickly collecting himself, Josh turned to the doctor. "What was the matter?"

"Rebecca has tested positive for juvenile diabetes. The reason that she passed out was that she simply went into insulin shock. According to your nanny, Rebecca had just finished a glass of apple juice, which explains her sugar level."

Josh nodded, "What does that mean? She's only 2 ½."

The doctor smiled, "If you'll follow me to my office, I can show you the proper care techniques and other assorted information. Ms. Cregg and Ms. Hunter, you should probably come also."

CJ was confused, "Why me?"

"It always helps for everyone who will be in a significant amount of contact with Rebecca to know how to take care of her, until she can do so herself."

CJ nodded and followed the small group out of the waiting room.

'Lis, our daughter has diabetes. What am I going to do?' Josh pleaded with his eternally-silent beloved, 'What are we going to do?'

xxxxx

Josh was back in his sanctuary. Safe in the confines of his office, he finally let his guard down.

He had chosen to surrender that control to Donna, his faithful guard-dog of sorts.

If anyone had been allowed access to Josh, they wouldn't have found a master politician, only a weary man at his wit's end.

He read the directions to Drea's glucose meter for the twelfth time. _It's called Freestyle_, Josh mused to himself, _indicating that it's easy and simple and, well, free of hassle. And yet, the name is terribly misleading._

The doctor at the hospital had informed him that the Freestyle Glucometer was the newest and easiest on the market. The meter itself was fairly self-explanatory, but all the other paraphernalia that went along with it boggled Josh's mind. Test strips, lancets, insulin, syringes, it was all so new and weird to him.

CJ had graciously offered to go the local pharmacy to pick up everything that he would need, leaving Josh to retreat to his office while Stacey kept Drea up in the residence for the remainder of the day. He refused to let his daughter out of the building.

Losing himself to the frustration of his life, Josh buried his head in his hands and sobbed.

Donna let his appointments slip by and informed all callers that Mr. Lyman was out of the office for a moment and could she take a message? As she sat there and listened to his cries, she wished that she could do something. But she knew better than to go in there. There was nothing that she could do. When he got like this, he just needed to cry.

xxxxx

"Josh, are you sure you're ok with it?" Dr. Abigail Bartlet questioned the young man.

"Yes, Mrs. Bartlet, they've been over it with me a thousand times." Josh smiled at the woman as he gathered his daughter to go home. He had sent Stacey home an hour ago and was now ready to go as far away from the White House as possible.

"Do you need to go grocery shopping? We can send someone -"

"Abigail," her husband called from inside the room, "Let the boy take his girl home."

With a smile, Abbey conceded and bid her young patient adieu. Closing the door behind them, she soon found herself lost in her thoughts. _I've always convinced myself that Josh needs a wife and that Drea needs a mother, but for all the wrong reasons. Josh will take care of Drea just fine; it's Josh that needs the woman. Josh; the man who is still a boy in so many ways, but yet a man in many more. Such an enigma, he is. Then again, all men are._ Shaking her head, she walked off to join her husband. _I'm thinking too much._

xxxxx

When he arrived back at his apartment, Josh was shocked to find CJ already there, brewing coffee.

"Hi!" she called at the sound of the opening door.

Guiding Drea into the living room to play with her toys and throwing his backpack onto the couch, he called back, "What are- how did-"

Laughing she cut him off, "I have a key and I'm fixing dinner for you guys."

Shaking his head at the surreal turn his life was taking, Josh wandered into the kitchen. "Why?"

"The pharmacist gave me this list of good foods for Drea to eat and knowing your diet and cooking abilities, I stopped off at the store and then came back here." Noticing the strange expression on his face, she paused. "What?"

He smirked, "You can't cook either."

"No," she corrected, waving a spatula at him, "I said I couldn't make pies and that I wasn't good at feasts. This is not a feast. This, I can handle."

"If it's not a feast, what is it?"

"Bow-tie pasta for Drea and Boston Market for you and me."

"You chicken," Josh teased.

"You know it," she grinned.

xxxxx

"Thanks for going to the pharmacy," Josh said later, after Drea was in bed.

CJ smiled and shrugged, "You're welcome. It was the fourth time today that someone called me Mrs. Lyman."

"That's not a bad thing."

She snorted, "It implies that we're married."

He shrugged and smirked, "That's not a bad thing."

"Would I get to keep Drea?"

"Only if I die."

"But I get to do that now, right?"

"You have to share her with Sam."

CJ waved this fact off and continued, "So that means that there's no reason to change our current situation."

"Nope, none at all."

"So I can hire that hit man in the morning."

"You better jump on it. I hear all the good ones go by 10 am."

Laughing and cracking her knuckles, CJ shook her head.

"Don't do that!" Josh grimaced.

"What?"

"Crack your knuckles. It's gross."

"Sorry, your Highness."

"It's a bad influence on Drea."

CJ raised an eyebrow, "She's two and a half, Joshua. Calm yourself."

"They say that the most impressions are made before the age of 5."

"She's in bed!"

"I'm just saying..."

"That you're a hyperactive, overprotective, freak of nature?"

"Yeah."

CJ grinned and grabbed her purse, "On that note, I'm outta here."

Josh walked her to the door like a good gentleman and then grabbed her hand suddenly. "CJ, when can I be normal?"

CJ was completely confused."What do you mean?" she asked, making her way back into the apartment.

"I mean, will my life ever be normal?"

"I'm still confused, Josh."

Josh took a deep breath and collapsed on the couch. "I would like to know at what point my life becomes normal. When I get to drop the shield that I have been forced to erect to protect myself from these invisible arrows that keep penetrating my sense of normalcy."

_I am not going home any time soon,_ CJ mused to herself as she joined her friend on the couch. "Josh, it's not possible for you to be normal because you're not normal."

Josh wasn't entirely sure if that was a compliment or what, so he stayed quiet and let CJ explain herself.

"Joshua, you aren't normal. You are far beyond average. I don't know about you, but I don't know too many Deputy Chief's of Staff for the President of the United States. I'm not friends with many Fulbright Scholars who hold degrees from two separate Ivy League schools. Josh, as much as I bust on you and as much as you're made fun of for not serving any purpose, you are a genius. A certified genius. That, in itself, sets you apart from the majority of the world!"

Josh smiled in humility at her compliment, but his frown quickly reappeared. "But CJ, that's not what I'm talking about. I don't know too many people who have lost three members of their family; their father, their sister and their wife, all before they reach their mid-life crisis! I don't know too many people who are raising their daughter on their own while aiding the President of the United States with running the country. I would like to know," Josh began pacing throughout his apartment, his voice rising significantly, "how many people have to stab their daughter every morning in order to keep her alive! How many men have to inject insulin into her leg while pricking her finger to check her blood sugar level! CJ! I just can't take it anymore! I want to wake up in the morning with my wife snoring in my ear, trip over my dog on the way down to breakfast, make waffles for myself, only to have one of my two children steal it, then participate in some weird carpool to get the aforementioned kid to school. Then I would like to drive to a normal, easy, stress-free 9-5 job, where no one even considers staying until 11:30 at night and then come in the next morning at 5:30 in order to get the latest polling samples on something that the President did they day before!"

"First of all," CJ replied calmly,"you are too good for a 9-5 job and there are no stress free jobs. You also aren't being asked to take anymore. You're asked to handle what you're given, and you're not asked to handle it alone. I'm here, Sam's here, Leo, Toby, Donna, the First Family, we're all here."

"Yeah, you're here for me when I have an episode," Josh remarked sarcastically.

"Josh, we're here to keep you from having episodes."

Realizing how his remark must have sounded, he hung his head in shame. "I'm sorry, CJ."

She smiled and began rubbing his back, "You're forgiven, mi amor."

A small, sweet voice interrupted them. "Aunt CJ? Is Daddy ok?"

Josh smiled and went to retrieve his awakened daughter. "Yeah, Drea. I'm fine. Aunt CJ was just helping me with some stuff."

"Stuff about me?"

He shook his head and swung her into his arms, "Nope. All about me."

She smiled and contentedly snuggled herself into her father's arms. "Daddy ok?" Drea murmured as she drifted off once again.

"Yeah," Josh smiled at CJ and reached for her hand, "Daddy's ok."


	5. End of an Era

**Author Note:** This is the last section of chapter one of Drea's story… there is much more to come for the Lyman family, I promise! Once again, thank you so much for all of the feedback. I love playing with the characters from the original cannon and putting them in new situations – hopefully you enjoy my mind travelings. R/R!

xxxxx

I don't know whether to be elated or depressed.

I am, once again, just another American. I'm watching Marcus Anderson get sworn in to my old job. He's a good man, he can handle it.

But I'm still unemployed. And Abbey intends me to remain that way. 

Packing up yesterday was atrocious. Zoey and Abbey were a mess up in the residence and there was this horrible aura of depression down in the west wing.

Drea and Stacey made cookies for all of us and Drea was dancing about the building passing them out. I can't believe that she's five years old. She's so energetic. Josh is determined to expose her to everything, so she's on a swim team and taking ballet lessons. But she told me that she doesn't like ballet.

Josh is taking a year off to "be Drea's dad", as he puts it. I'm figuring he'll go stir crazy pretty soon and find himself on a campaign somewhere.

Toby's touring Europe and writing for a few months. He's got a few speaking engagements lined up, so he should be pretty busy for a while. I hope he sends postcards.

Sam and his wife, Melissa, are moving to Colorado. He's not sure what he's doing, but he'll probably end up writing. He should take up skiing or something. 

CJ's going to try her hand at consulting in New York. I'm not sure how long she'll do that for. Marcus tried desperately to get her hang on as Press Secretary for him, but she said that she was done and I don't blame her. She's got a job lined up, but I'm old and I can't remember where.

Donna's going back to school. She got accepted at Stanford, Yale and UCLA Berkley. She hasn't made a choice yet, but she will. And she'll blow them away.

Leo's finally retiring. Dear Lord, that man needs sleep even more than I do. He's going to spend some time with Mallory, I think.

Charlie Young will enter the freshman class of UCLA this fall. I'm so proud of him, I really am. He is a man of commendable character and deserves every once of happiness and success he gets.

_Sigh_

I am going to miss these people so much. I think about how I couldn't remember their names in the beginning of all of this and how close we are now, and I can't help but laugh.

Or cry.

Because they're all gone now.

At least Abbey and I will see each other more than once a month. That will be nice.

But I'm going to go nuts, I know it.

My MS is getting worse, I can feel it and I'm not sure how much longer it will be until I'm a vegetable. I hope at least twenty years. I hope it's not until I see all of my staffers married.

Toby informs me that he's been down that road and intendeds never to go back. He'll change his mind.

Josh is doing surprisingly better than any of us ever thought, but he still needs a woman. Drea's five, almost six and it's not going to get any easier on him.

_Looks at watch_

Time for dinner. I asked to borrow Air Force One for the last time to round up my people. President Anderson was happy to oblige, and they'll be here any minute.

I better go see if Abbey remembers how to cook.


	6. And It Begins

**Author Note:** Thank you so much for all of the fabulous reviews so far. I fear, however, that some of you may be disappointed in how the plot is progressing from hence forth. I can only hope that I've earned your trust (and your love of Drea) that you'll keep reading… 

xxxxx

"Josh, Drea has amazing potential." Isaiah Wood pointed out to his friend.

Josh rubbed his eyes, "Yeah, Woody, I know. You've been telling me that since she started swimming. I just don't know. I mean, that kind of intensive training for a 9 year old? It just seems wrong."

Woody took a deep breath, "Josh, listen. I've been in the swimming world for over 20 years now. I think I've got a pretty decent grasp on what kids can handle it and what kids can't. When we had Lyndsey Marck in here last week to do that clinic for the kids, Drea had stars in her eyes."

"Woody, it's not everyday that my daughter gets to hang out with a four-time Olympic gold medallist."

"No, but she spent the first five years of her life in the White House. She sees movie stars and famous people all of the time. She wasn't star struck over Lyndsey. She wants it," Woody said as gently as he could. He knew what a big step this would be for the Lyman family. 

"Last week she wanted to be on the show. The month before, she wanted to learn sign language in order to work with monkeys. She's nine years old. How can she possibly know what she wants?"

"Josh, you and Drea have a closer relationship than any father and daughter I have ever seen. Talk to her about it. Lay it all out on the table. In a year, if she hates it, we'll stop. But right now, let's get her to the Olympics," Woody grinned.

Josh smiled in return, "I hate how selfish this sounds, but what does it mean for me? I'm a political consultant to the number one rated drama on television. I'm kind of a slave to the network and I never know when they're going to need me. What about school for her? I refuse to let her education suffer for this. Woody, I seriously want to let her do it, but there's just so many protests floating around in my brain."

Woody leaned back in his folding chair and cast a quick glance at his swimmers in the pool. He only had a few moments before they would finish their set and need him again. "Josh, I'm going to make this quick, but not because I'm blowing you off. I already told Bob that I would resign my coaching position here to train Drea if you agreed. I'm flexible. We'll start off small and then increase if she's still hungry for it. Here's my proposition. Give me the summer. Let me train her as an Olympian for three months. If you don't like it in September, we'll just chalk it up as learning experience. Deal?"

Josh still looked wary, but knew that Drea would kill him and he would regret it if he turned Woody down. He finally nodded, "Deal."

The two men stood up and shook hands. 

"Ok, my man. I've got to go make my 12 and under's suffer a bit. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Josh grinned, "Absolutely, Captain Woody. See you tomorrow."

xxxxx

_Four Years Later_

"Dad!" 13-year-old Rebecca Lyman yelled as she ran frantically around her house, gathering things to pack for her trip to the Olympic Trials in Baltimore.

"Drea, you have everything you could ever possibly need in the car. You're going to be gone for a weekend," Josh Lyman smirked at his daughter.

"Dad, don't look at me like that! I need my suit –"

" – In your suitcase-"

"The sliver one?"

"The silver one, the purple one, and the one with the funny little things on it. Yes, Drea, you have everything. You have been unpacking and packing the same things over and over again for the past week. You are going to be fine."

Drea sighed and gave her dad a hug, "This is it."

"Drea, whatever happens this weekend –"

"I know, you love me and you're so proud of me."

Josh laughed, "Yeah. Do I say it often?"

"Only every day," She grinned. "Can I drive to the airport?"

"If you'd like to wait three years to get to Trials…"

"You can drive."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

Heaving her suitcase out to the car, Josh mentally checked that he had everything.

Tickets, scripts, underwear, clothes, video camera, cards from everyone…ok, I'm good.

"Hey, Papa Bear," Drea began as they climbed into the car.

"Yeah, Motor Mouse?"

"When does Aunt CJ's plane land?"

"About 20 minutes before ours. She'll meet us at our gate at BWI."

Drea nodded and slipped her headphones on.

_Ok, here goes nothing,_ Josh thought to himself as he backed the Audi out of the driveway of his Southern California home. _This weekend everything changes. I hope CJ's plane from Kennedy lands ok. I haven't seen her since that fundraiser. Gosh, when was that, three months ago? Too long,_ he scolded himself,_ too long._

xxxxx

Seriously, Claudia, pull yourself together. It's not really a big deal. You just walk up to Josh and say, "Josh! Hi! How nice to see you! We need to get married this weekend."

Then he'll laugh at me and tell Drea that Aunt CJ has finally lost it.

It was such a stupid deal with such a stupid man. But I signed a contract and in the world that we live in, contracts are legally binding.

Peter Anderson was my best friend the entire time I was at Berkeley. We were talking, probably drunkenly, about life one night after a double date we had gone on failed. For the third time that week. It was just getting ridiculous and I was getting antsy.

So, we made a deal.

We said, if neither one of us was married by the time we were 50; we would get married to each other. He had wanted 40, but I told him that I was going to be consumed changing the world during that decade; so finding a suitable mate wouldn't be possible.

I did find mine though; he was just too busy having mental breakdowns to notice.

So, Peter turns 50 next month and he called my apartment last night to own up on our agreement. I told him that we were young and we didn't know what we were talking about and that we should drop the deal.

To which he responded that a deal's a deal and I signed a contract.

I was getting desperate. It was like that Julia Roberts movie gone bad. I couldn't believe it. So, I found myself explaining why the contract was no longer valid. 

"There's just a little problem with this whole thing, Peter. You see, I'm engaged."

"To whom?"

To whom, to whom…? "Josh Lyman."

"The guy from the White House that you worked with?"

"Yup, that's him. Josh Lyman."

"Oh, ok, well, where's my invitation?"

Invitation to a wedding that doesn't exist… "It's private ceremony. Just us, our families and a priest."

"Oh." He really sounded so disappointed. I felt bad.

"Peter, seriously, I'm sorry I didn't invite you. Things have been crazy with us, I mean, I leave for the Olympic Trials tomorrow to see his daughter compete."

"Rebecca Lyman? Really? I've heard about her. Isn't she that phenom that can do the 100 Free in 45 seconds."

My heart swelled with pride. "Yeah, that's Drea."

"I was reading in Newsweek that that's completely unheard of. That even Amy VanDyken couldn't do that."

"Yeah, well freestyle's always been her favorite. Listen, Peter, I've got to go. It was nice talking to you."

"You too, Jeanie." I always hated when he called me that.

"Bye."

"Bye."

And with that, I had proposed to Josh and planned the ceremony.

I just needed to tell him.

This is a faux pas of Joshua Lyman proportions.

_Wry Grin_

He's rubbing off on me already.

xxxxx 


	7. Everyone Else's Opinion

xxxxx

I've tried to be patient. I really have. I've known them for over 15 years now. And I just can't wait anymore for them to get their act together.

Josh and CJ need to get married.

That is simply the end of that.

Josh was the best man at my wedding and CJ was a bridesmaid. When the two of them were dancing, I just couldn't stand it anymore.

I owe a lot to CJ. She's the one who introduced me to Melissa.

Ah, my Melissa.

During Bartlet's second term, CJ was in need of a new deputy. I can't remember why, but Peter just never worked out. Anyway, so she hires this girl, Melissa Norman. I've always thought it strange that her maiden name is my given middle name. Huh.

I can't really remember how it all happened, but we ended up getting coffee a few days after she started working. It was just like with Josh and Lis. Magic.

_Goofy grin_

But back to Josh and CJ. Like I said before, they simply need to get married. They're perfect for each other and they're getting old. Drea's 13 years old and she needs a mother and she worships the ground CJ walks on. Not that I'm saying Josh should ever get married just for Drea, but he and CJ are in love. They just don't know it.

I'm sure of it.

And I'm getting impatient.

xxxxx

Josh Lyman is a genius. No one questions that. But those closest to him also know that he's an idiot.

He could write briefing memos and make speeches and run meetings for the President of the United States. He can affectively oversee thousands of White House employees. He's spent the past eight years since we left the White House as a professional political advisor for the highest rated television drama ever, in addition to the one of the top news venues in the country. He can learn the entire sport of swimming virtually overnight, just to be involved in his daughter's life.

But he can't work up the nerve to tell CJ that he wants to marry her. Heck, he can't even ask her out.

I've kind of served as 'surrogate father' to the boy for a while now, so I know things that probably no one else knows. Including him.

This weekend is going to be huge for the little Lyman family. I have no doubt that Drea's on her way to Italy for the Olympics, no doubt at all. I've only seen her swim a few times, but she's a Lyman. I learned a long time ago that Lymans don't take no for an answer. 

xxxxx

Seriously, my dad is such a guy.

It's fairly obvious to the rest of the world that Aunt CJ and my dad are in love. But he's completely oblivious. I hear that Uncle Sam, Uncle Leo, Uncle Toby, Uncle Jed and Aunt Abbey have a pool going to see when Dad will propose.

My bets are on this weekend. 

That is, if I have anything to say about it.

This weekend is the biggest weekend of my life. The papers and magazines and TV shows have all been saying that I must be on drugs or something to pull the time in the 100 Free that I do. Well, I guess I should say that they did, until Dad informed them that I didn't. 

The speculating stopped abruptly after that, I assure you. 

I've been raised under this shadow of brilliance. It's really weird. I can never remember failure being an option. So when Woody and Dad and I decided to start this whole Olympic thing, I never even dreamed that I wouldn't go through with it.

My dad isn't an overly affectionate guy. Sure, I get hugged and kissed and stuff, but he has a hard time coming out and saying that he loves me. I know he does, but he'd rather banter with me and tease me that say that he loves me. That's fine, I can live with it.

I guess growing up the way I did made me grow up fairly fast. Not that it's a bad thing or anything, I just grew up fast. I've always been treated like an adult and always been expected to act like one, too.

It comes with the territory.

13 year olds aren't supposed to be trying out for the Olympics either.

I'm going to do it. There's no doubt in my mind. Laminate my name on the list, baby, because Rebecca Andrea Lyman does not die fast and quiet, nor does she take no for an answer.

The race is not against anyone else but that clock.

The clock and I are good friends and I've beaten it many times.

What's once more? 

xxxxx

"A large Disani and a medium Coke," Josh informed the waitress with a grin at his daughter, who replied by rolling her eyes. "And for dinner, she'll have the Jack Daniel's Ribs and I'll have the Smoked Chicken BLT." The pair had landed at the BWI airport to discover that CJ's plane was delayed. So, not quite knowing what to do with themselves, they found their way to the TGI Friday's across from CJ's gate with Josh complaining about American airports the entire way.

"Dad, seriously," Drea smiled, "I can branch out."

"What?"

"When I'm predictable enough that you can order my entire meal for me, I should really consider trying new things."

"Well, sweetie, you are rather –"

"Predictably boring?"

Josh swallowed tactfully, "I was more going to go for reliable and low maintenance, but if you say so."

Drea responded to that by throwing a sugar packet at him, hitting him square in the forehead and plopping right into the drink the waitress had just placed in front of him. Which, of course, sent both of them off into gales of laughter.

After a few moments, Josh sobered up. "What's so bad about being predictable?"

Drea raised an eyebrow, "You always say that predictability is a character flaw."

"Maybe I'm wrong."

Drea threw her hand to her heart, "Doth my ears deceive me? Call the press! Josh Lyman admitted that he may be wrong to his 13-year-old daughter!"

"So you're an actress now? We're certainly the Renaissance woman today, aren't we? Olympic swimmer, Academy Award winning actress; where does the talent stop!"

That comment earned Josh another Sweet-n-Low to the head.

"You know, when I banter with Donna, she doesn't throw sugar packets at me."

"Which brings up another flaw in the Lyman family; let her go, Dad."

Josh rolled his eyes and took a sip of his soda, "Drea –"

"No, Dad, hear me out. She's married. She has two children. She should have run for office a long time ago, but no. She's still your assistant. It's been what, almost 20 years now?"

"In April."

"February."

"Shut up."

"Ok."

Josh smiled, "Drea, there are certain people that come into your life that absolutely blow you away and change your life. Then, they'll leave and you'll realize that you're a lesser person without them. Sometimes, they come back, and then you hold onto them as long as they'll let you. Such is the case with me and Donnatella."

"What about when you get married?"

Josh shook his head, "I can't seriously expect a woman to handle my professional and personal life, plus run a house, raise children and possibly hold a job. If Donna wants to stop, she'll stop. She's still with me because she wants to be. Besides, whoever said that I was getting married?"

Drea rolled her eyes. "Everyone on the planet, Dad."

"Hyperbole, Drea. It's called hyperbole."

"Dad, seriously, just marry her."

"Who, Donna? First of all, ew. Second of all, adultery is definitely a federal offense."

"It is? I thought it was just a sin." Drea grinned at the waitress as she set down the meals.

"No, it's not. But it should be," he replied.

"Amen," muttered the waitress.

Both Lymans smiled at her as she politely asked if they needed anything else and then went on her way. 

"I meant Aunt CJ."

Josh almost spit out his Coke. Am I that obvious? I thought I was good at this discreetness stuff. "Whatever made you say that, Rebecca Andrea?"

"Dad, I'm not in the water all of the time. I have eyes, I notice things."

"Drea, you're on thin ice, here," he warned in that 'father' tone he only pulled out occasionally.

"You mope when you're not with her, you sparkle when you are. You mark the days on your calendar until you'll see her again. She's been your best friend for all my life; heck, she's really been my mother. She's completely unhappy with her love life, as are you with yours. Neither one of you has been on a date, except with each other, for four years. So, in actuality, you've been dating for four years, Papa Bear. Please, I beg you, in the name of everything that is holy and just in this world, ask her to marry you!" Drea finished with a flourish, completely out of breath.

It took Josh a few moments to absorb all of what was just thrown at him. The two sat in silence as they finished their meals. Josh was too bust thinking to notice the silence and Drea was too petrified to open her mouth again. After about 10 minutes, Josh finally whispered something.

"What was that, Dad?"

"Ok."

She couldn't believe her ears, "'Ok' what?"

"I'll ask CJ to marry me."

Drea nearly dropped her fork, but covered it with the grace of someone who grew up in the public eye, "Good. This weekend, right? It's about flipping time."

Josh smiled at his daughter as she causally continued to cut up her ribs. He was beyond proud of her. Her body, mind and spirit had been continually abused over the past 4 years and she had risen to every challenge. It was never about the medals and the titles and the records for her, it was always about the clock. She always had to beat the clock. He, and the rest of the amazed swimming world, had forced her to grow up rather quickly over the past few years of her life, and she had accepted and succeeded at every challenge.

But this was the weekend. They had made a deal. If, after this weekend, she never wanted to dive into another pool, she didn't have to. In Drea's mind, that meant that she had to make it. She had to get onto the team. Josh wished that he could get it through to her that his love and admiration for her was unconditional. But she was convinced that it was based on the numbers that showed up on that clock when she touched the wall.

"Hey, Rebecca," he began, immediately catching her attention. He never called her Rebecca unless he really wanted to talk about something. "Whatever happens in that pool tomorrow, I love you."

"Yeah, Dad, I know," she mumbled.

"No, you don't," he persisted. "Rebecca Andrea Lyman, you are the most amazing 13-year-old on the planet. I am going to love you and brag about you whether you get on this team or not. I could care less if the clock reads 45 seconds or 45 minutes, you are still my daughter."

"Dad, you've given up your whole life for me! The least I owe you is a medal."

Josh sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, "Drea, I'm a consultant. I could do that from the shower if I wanted to! I have not given up my life for you, but I did change it and that's what father's do. You mother wouldn't have had it any other way. Second, a gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it. It changes nothing about your worth. And Drea, you are worthy. You are wonderful. And you are mine. And that's all that counts."

Drea was crying so hard that she couldn't even speak. Josh stood up and pulled Drea up into a huge hug. They froze in that position for a few moments until another precious voice broke into their thoughts.

"Am I interrupting anything?" CJ Cregg said quietly as she touched Josh's shoulder.

"Aunt CJ!" Drea exclaimed, transferring herself from Josh to CJ.

"Hey kiddo, how's it going?" CJ murmured into Drea's hair as she exchanged looks with Josh.

'What makes me presume that he'd even want to interrupt his life to marry me? What indicates to me that he'd even want to?' She thought to herself as she found herself moving into Josh's open arms.

'What makes me presume that she's even ready to get married? What indicates to me that she'd even want to?' Josh thought to himself as he melted into the embrace of his beloved. "Hey Claudia," he whispered.

"Hey Joshua," she whispered back. "We need to talk."

"It's been too long," he affirmed.

She pulled away, grinning, "Yeah. A whole 12 hours."

The two were still grinning as they let Drea lead them down to baggage claim.

Occasionally stealing glances at her "parents", Drea smiled. _They should really consider eloping._


	8. Open Mouth

xxxxx

"Dad!" Drea shrieked into the telephone in her hotel room. "I'm on the front page of the Baltimore Sun!"

"And USA Today," Josh smiled. "You're probably somewhere in the New York Times, too. And the sports section of every newspaper in America."

Drea was in the Marriott in downtown Baltimore with the rest of the Olympic hopefuls while Josh was across the harbor at the Hyatt. CJ was in a room two floors down from Josh and the separation was killing him. After they had dropped Drea off at the hotel, the pair had stayed up until about 3:00 AM, talking about life and love and other mysteries. Neither one had gathered the courage to discuss their recent marriage decisions.

"Do you have any idea how weird it is to find a picture of you that you never posed for, accompanied by an article written about you that you never agreed to, on the front page of the newspaper?" Drea's voice had his quality of awe to it.

Josh smiled at his daughter's innocence. "Yeah, Drea. I know a little something about it."

"Oh," she replied sheepishly, "I forgot."

"Have you seen Aunt CJ's scrapbooks? They're pretty comprehensive."

"Yeah." There was a pause on the other end of the line and Josh braced himself for tears. "Papa Bear?"

"Yeah Motor Mouse?" 

"I'm scared."

'Ah, so she's 13 once again,' Josh thought to himself. "Ok, well, lets go through today. What's up first?"

"100 Free."

"Ok, what heat are you?"

A deep breath, "Third."

Josh smiled. He could hear her confidence returning. "And what do you want to do?"

"Not blow my energy out, just swim well enough to make the finals."

Josh nodded, "That's right. Don't go trying to set a World Record in the heat. Then what?"

"Wait until my heat for 200 Free," Drea smiled at her dad's technique for calming her down. It was exactly what Aunt Donna had told him to do.

"What'll you do while you wait?"

"Find you and Aunt CJ."

"You don't have to, you know. You can hang out without us."

Drea's eyebrow went up, "You trying to get rid of me?"

Josh smiled, "Never."

"I need to make sure that you haven't chickened out," she replied logically.

"Of what?"

Dramatic sigh from Drea, "Of asking Aunt CJ to marry you! Duh, Dad!"

Josh chuckled, "And face the wrath of Rebecca Lyman? Never!"

Drea giggled right back, "Ok, Dad. I believe you. I've got to go."

"Ok, honey, I love you."

"I love you, too. Bye."

"Bye," he whispered into the receiver, even though Drea had already hung up. "Just one more time, Drea. Just beat the clock this once more," he pleaded to the void.

Lying back on the bed, Josh began to voice the fears streaming through his head. "I've fed her to the wolves. The ravenous media that I've spent most of my adult life running and hiding from has now caught my daughter's scent. What have I done?"

"You've been running with that wolves analogy for about 2 minutes too long there, buddy," CJ commented wryly from the door.

"Geez!" Josh jumped at the sound of her voice. "How long have you been here?"

"Just long enough to hear you complain about the wrath of Rebecca Lyman. What's that all about?"

"Nothing," he evaded artfully. "How did you get in my room?"

"I fed Drea to the wolves."

He threw a pillow at her, "Seriously, CJ."

She giggled and threw the pillow right back. Flopping down on the bed next to him, she produced a room key. "I told the front desk that I needed an extra key to room 425 and they gave it to me."

"That's it?"

"Yup."

"The level of security boggles the mind."

"Yeah," CJ nodded, standing slowly. "Let's go."

Josh wrinkled his forehead, "Where?"

"We're getting food."

"Thank you for informing me prior to this."

She replied by smacking him in the back of the head, "We're getting food because I'm hungry and if I don't make you leave the room, you'll mope until Drea's heat."

"Ok, so where are we going?"

CJ wiggled her eyebrows, "Continental Breakfast."

"You are like the most successful public relations agent in the country and you're going to have the Continental Breakfast at the Baltimore Hyatt?" Josh smirked, grabbing a small black box, his watch and his wallet off of his nightstand.

"You bet your sweet bippy! Coming?" CJ was already out the door as she threw the question back at Josh.

He grinned at her retreating head, "Yeah, I'm coming." 'Well, it's now or never. I'm not sure how romantic a proposal is when it takes place in the lobby of a hotel. Oh, well, I'm sure I'll think of something.'

xxxxx

"…. And then I told him that I was engaged," CJ admitted sheepishly. 

"Did he ask to who?" Josh took a bite of his cheese Danish.

"No," she lied. _I can't just tell him like this_.

"And he just bought it like that! Seriously?"

"Yup." CJ nodded. "I'm getting more coffee, you want anything?"

He shook his head. He quickly found himself lost in his thoughts and remained there until CJ came back and said something.

"What was that?"

"It was you." The random comment was said so quietly, it didn't even sound like CJ saying it.

"What was me?"

She took a deep breath and Josh could see the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "I told him that I was engaged to you."

Josh wasn't sure whether to be elated or depressed. _Either she thinks of me as a fallback friend or she actually loves me back._ "That wouldn't be so bad, would it?"

Positive that he was bringing up a long running joke, she responded, "I'd get Drea, right?"

_Shit, she thinks I'm joking._ "Only if I die. And whoever would want that?" He smirked.

"I'm sure I could find someone." _Oh, so this is how it's going to be. I just came right out and told him that I wanted to marry him and he wants to joke around and plaster on that stupid smirk that I find so darn sexy. _

"I'm telling you. My life has taken on whole new meaning. I'm now the father of the super-swimmer, Rebecca Lyman. For that reason alone, people might encourage me to reproduce again." _I'm just talking. I swear I don't even hear the words that are coming out of my mouth._

_What the hell? He's bringing up reproduction right after he killed my marriage conversation? I seriously want to marry this man?_ CJ let out a deep sigh and sipped her coffee. "I'm not even dignifying that with a response."

"Fine, deny the demand for my-"

"Joshua Lyman, wherever your articulation, vocabulary and intelligence went, find them. Please, find them soon," CJ demanded.

"Yes, Your Highness," Josh smirked.

_Oh to kiss that smirk off of his face. And then I'd…_CJ lost herself in her daydreams until she noticed Josh raising his eyebrows at the look on her face. Snapping herself to attention, she mentally berated herself, Mind out of the gutter, Claudia Jean, mind out of gutter. "Wipe that look off of your face, Joshua –"

He cut her off, "CJ, do you remember right after Drea was diagnosed and you went to the pharmacy?" _I'm not dancing around the issue anymore. I want this ring on that woman's finger by the time Drea steps onto that block._

She smiled, "Yeah, and I whined that people kept calling me Mrs. Lyman." _And we're back to the marriage conversation. Is he going to do the Mexican Hat Dance on my heart again? I can just hear the next answer now. 'I really never liked that. I need to distance yourself from Drea because you repulse me.'_

Josh reached over and tenderly took her hand. "Well, I've been thinking lately that I've thought of you as Mrs. Lyman ever since that day. I've been thinking lately of how much I love you. And I know that these words are so inadequate for what you deserve. So, if you could just listen to my heart and hear what it's saying. Hear the words of undying love that it's trying to say, and the way it knows it will never be complete until you answer me. What I'm trying to say," He paused to pull the little black box out of his pocket, "is, Claudia Jean Cregg, will you marry me?"

CJ's mental response was off and running, but her verbal response was cut off by the flood of tears that had suddenly over taken her body, "I never dreamed that you loved me back."

Josh's heart broke with that simple statement. He quickly gathered his beloved into his arms. "Forgive me, CJ. Forgive me for not telling you sooner." He let her cry for a few moments longer until he couldn't wait anymore, "Anytime you feel like responding, that would be great."

She looked up at him and began to giggle, "Oh, sorry." Gathering herself, she looked straight into his eyes and said the words that she had been waiting to say her entire life, "Yes. Joshua Lyman, I will marry you."

A slow grin spread out across his face as he slipped the ring onto her finger and pressed his lips to hers. They were interrupted by the alarm on Josh's watch.

He broke the kiss, glanced down at the watch and grinned, "Want to go watch our daughter qualify for the US Olympic Swimming Team?"

CJ grinned and slipped his hand into hers, "Yeah, I think I'd like that."

xxxxx 


	9. The Trials

**Author Note:** Seriously, thanks for the feedback, ya'll... you're some of my favorite people ever! 

xxxxx

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm Katie McNamara and welcome back to the finals of the US Olympic Swimming Team trials," the overly cheery announcer's voice came through the airwaves.

"Did I miss it?" Abigail Bartlet rushed into her living room, which was chock full of the Drea Lyman fan club. The Bartlets had arranged for the usual suspects to come to Manchester so they could all watch the trials together. 

"No, you're just in time," Jed assured his wife, kicking Toby off of the couch to clear a spot for her.

"For those of you just joining us," Katie McNamara continued, "we're about to see history in the making. The next event is the Women's 100 Freestyle, an event which America has not won in the past 12 years at any international competition. The American record was shattered earlier today by the rising star of swimming, Rebecca Lyman, who bested the old record by 2 seconds."

This was news to the Manchester crew, who cheered accordingly.

"Rebecca has the highest qualifying time for this event, placing her in lane 4. The other swimmers –"

Toby cut her off, "What other swimmers?"

"Do you think they're going to show CJ and Josh?" Donna asked, pulling her youngest daughter, Allison onto her lap.

"She better have a ring on her finger if they do," Leo muttered.

"Leo McGarry, what did you do?" Abbey scolded.

He grinned, "I simply suggested to Drea that she suggest to Josh that he ask this weekend."

"Shh," Sam's wife, Melissa, interrupted, "Drea's getting on the block."

The entire room took a collective breath as their girl took her place on the starting block. She went through her usual routine; adjusting her goggles, rolling her head to the left, then to the right, and looking for Josh. This time, the camera followed her eyes.

"Rebecca's father, Former Deputy Chief of Staff under President Bartlet, is here with her today, along with his best friend, Rebecca's godmother and Former Press Secretary under President Bartlet, CJ Cregg," Katie explained to the masses.

"Are _they_ swimming?" Toby muttered.

Soon the long-awaited mechanical voice said, "Swimmers, take your marks. BEEEP."

"And they're in the water!" Katie cried. The Bartlet living room was completely silent. Everyone was lost in his or her own silent prayers for Drea's victory. "Remember, 100 meters is only 2 laps of the pool, so a quick start is crucial. Rebecca Lyman is ½ body length ahead of her closest competitor! She's approaching the flip turn; she's already ahead of her record! This girl is unbelievable!"

"You bet you she is!" Sam called from the couch, breaking the silence. 

"She's at 15 meters, 10 meters, 5 meters, she's touched! Rebecca Lyman just broke her own record! She just swam the 100 Free in 46:30! That's unreal! The 13-year-old phenom is on her way to the Olympics!" Katie exclaimed, but the Manchester crew never heard her. As soon as Drea touched the wall, they erupted into celebratory screams.

"Hey!" Donna screamed over the din, "they're showing CJ and Josh!"

All eyes flew to the TV. 

"And she's got a ring!"

xxxxx

I'm finally alone.

After nearly five hours of cameras and reporters and the finals for the 200 Free and then even more cameras and reporters, I am finally alone.

I was never really worried about today. It's not like anyone was asking me to do anything that I haven't done before. I've beaten the clock more times than I haven't.

Geez, I sound so conceited.

I sound like Dad.

Well, Dad before Aunt CJ.

_Grin_

Let me tell you, touching that wall wouldn't have been nearly as sweet if Dad hadn't proposed. I still haven't gotten the full story, but I intend to. And trust me, I will.

Freestyle is just something I do. I'm not nearly as good at any of the other strokes, just Free. It's probably because that's all I ever practice. About three weeks into my intense training, Woody started to notice that my splits in free were out of this world. He talked to my dad and they decided to concentrate on that. They never asked me, they decided.

It's gotten me to the Olympics, so I guess it really wasn't that bad of a decision. Just an incredibly monotonous one.

But I'm starting to sound like a Lyman again, so I better stop. There are about twenty-five messages on my machine from everyone back home. If I call one, I'll have to call them all. Although, if I don't call Mrs. Bartlet, I'll never hear the end of it.

_Sigh_

What's the Manchester number again?

xxxxx

My daughter is going to the Olympics. 

Seriously, THE Olympics.

Drea is swimming two individual events, plus two relays: the 4x100 IM and the 4x100 Free. 

CJ said she'd marry me.

Seriously, she agreed to marry me.

Life seriously doesn't get much better. 

Seriously. 


	10. The Unraveling Begins

**Author Note:** Well, we've now moved into the third movement of Drea's symphony, entitled _A Thousand Empty Yesterdays_. Thank you so much for the feedback so far, it has warmed my heart in more ways than you know. I hope you continue to enjoy the story of the Lyman family. I call this chapter, "The Unraveling Begins"...

**A Thousand Empty Yesterdays**

"Well, I was Maid of Honor at her wedding, why not?" CJ Cregg threw a look at her fiance, but he wasn't about to meet her eye. Josh Lyman was intently watching his daughter work on her flip turn. 

"It's not a problem or anything. I think she'd love it. I'm just surprised that you don't have someone from New York that you're closer to," he responded, still intently staring at Drea. "She's sluggish today. Her turns aren't crisp enough."

CJ scribbled something in her notebook and reached for his hand. "She's tired, Josh. Woody's been demanding a lot from her in the past few days."

"The Games are 34 days away! She's got to stay in shape," he countered.

"She's in impeccable shape and you know it. Joshua, if you burn her out, if you do anything to make her forget why she loves it, she'll never forgive you," CJ reprimanded gently.

He sighed deeply, drew her hand to his lips and kissed it. He knew that she was right. He had overheard CJ and Drea talking last night and Drea was so tired that she had started to cry. There was no way that she would make it to Italy that way.

"Let me take her somewhere this weekend," CJ pleaded.

"For what?"

"Practice seducing men."

"Where?"

"Bar hopping in New York."

"Seriously, Claudia Jean," he smirked, "you're a pill."

"I'm taking her to a spa in northern New York. It will be nice and relaxing for her and we'll get some girly bonding time in." Reaching for Josh's face and turning it towards her, pulling his eyes away from Drea for the first time since the practice began, she continued, "Will you trust me with your daughter, Josh? I promise I'll be careful with her and put her back where she belongs when I'm done playing."

"Our daughter," he smiled and pressed his lips to hers.

When she broke the kiss, CJ returned to her list. "So, now that we have a date and a place, we can officially start asking the wedding party. You'll call Sam tomorrow about best man and I'll call Donna about being my maid of honor."

"Matron."

"What?"

"When the woman's married, she's called the Matron of Honor," Josh replied absently. "Drea, darn it, flip your feet faster."

Ignoring his remark to Drea, CJ smirked, "How do you know about that?"

"The whole matron bit? Donna," he replied.

"Why do you know from Donna?"

"When we were at her and Jack's wedding, she was bugging me about the fact that I should make you her "Matron of Honor" instead of the "Maid of Honor" and that any unhappiness in your life was all my fault because I'm a putz," Josh explained.

"That was eight years ago."

"I know."

"You retain trivial knowledge for eight years?"

"When it's in any way connected to you? Yes."

"Eight years ago?"

"Actually," he turned towards her, "for almost thirteen years."

"Thirteen years?"

He smiled, "Since the night Drea was diagnosed."

She shook her head, "You've loved me for that long and you never said anything?"

Josh shook his finger at her, "Oh no, I said it. I said it in a thousand different ways. You just never listened."

"My heart listened. It was having problems convincing my head, though, until my ears confirmed," She smiled.

"Do your various organs agree with each other now?"

She playfully swatted at his shoulder, "Yes, you big dork." CJ quickly checked her watch, "Listen, I've got to jet to a meeting. I'll see you for dinner?" To make life easier on all of them, CJ had transferred to the San Diego office of her firm a few months back.

"Absolutely," Josh affirmed. After stealing one more kiss, he walked his beloved to the door.

"Dad!" Drea called from the water as he was taking his seat again.

"Yeah, Motor Mouse?"

"Can you tell Satan over here that normal people eat lunch at noon and that it's 12:30 and I'm hungry?" She whined, gesturing to Woody.

"Well, for starters, you're not normal, you're Drea. Second, what did Woody say?" Josh called back.

"I told her ten more and then an hour break before school," Wood contributed.

"You're whining about ten more, Drea?" _She must be tired,_ Josh thought.

"Ten more is going to make 200 flip turns, Dad. It just seem a bit ridiculous when you can hear my stomach growling in East China!"

"Well, do the ten and then we'll feed you, ok?"

Sighing deeply, the way only a prepubescent girl can, Drea readjusted her goggles and started the set.

'34 more days,' Josh thought to himself, '34 more days.'

xxxxx

"Drea," CJ said to her future daughter as they flew to New York, "you know how I told your dad that we were doing the whole spa thing this weekend?"

"Yeah?"

"I lied."

"Oh," Drea's face fell and CJ felt horrible.

Reaching into her bag and pulling out a manila envelope, CJ quickly continued, "We're still going to a spa, it's just a day spa in New York City and we're still far away from a pool, we're just doing a bunch of other stuff, too." Pulling out two tickets, she handed them to Drea, "Here."

Examining them carefully, Drea's face broke out into a huge grin, "You're taking me to Broadway! You're taking me to a Broadway show? Ohmygosh, Mom!" Shrieking and throwing her arms around CJ for an awkward hug, Drea couldn't believe her luck. She had been begging her dad to take her to a show ever since she had seen _Music Man_ on TV. But, due to Josh's belief that musicals were retarded and evil, her dream had never come true.

CJ felt her eyes fill with tears, She called me Mom! "Saturday night's performance of _Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat_. We have orchestra seats, and I made sure that they're good ones."

"What else are we doing?" Drea asked, wide eyed.

"Well, today is Thursday," CJ muttered to herself as she scoured over their itinerary in her folder. "When we land, my friend Julia will pick us up and drive us to our hotel."

"Where are we staying?"

"The Plaza."

"The Plaza Hotel? I'm staying at the Plaza Hotel? Mom, how can we afford that with Italy coming up and…"

"Drea, I have a lot more money than even your dad knows about," CJ assured her. "Anyway, so tomorrow, we shop. Lots of shopping. I'm showing New York the way it's meant to be seen; with a credit card. I haven't decided what we're doing tomorrow night, but we have some options. We'll see how tired you are and how you're coming with your homework…"

"Mom," Drea interrupted, "please no homework. You said that we were getting away from everything this weekend and that you weren't going to let me anywhere near water except to shower and, well, I hate homework."

"Drea, I let you leave your algebra home because I can't help you with that, but we're doing your history and your English because I know what I'm talking about with them. I'm taking you to a fun-filled weekend away from Josh and Woody, would you like to complain or would you like to hear about it?"

"Hear about it," Drea sighed. 

"Yeah, so, moving on. On Saturday, we're going to Wrap Sure, which is this amazing day spa I used to go to. We're getting the works: full body massages, make-overs, manicures, pedicures, everything they can do. Then, we'll do dinner somewhere fun and groovy and then we'll go to the show," smiling at Drea, CJ stuffed all of her papers back in to the folder and pried the tickets from Drea's fingers.

"A chlorine free weekend," Drea sighed in ecstasy.

Licking her lips and chuckling, CJ reached for her reading glasses, "Now, talk to me about the French Revolution." Groaning, Drea handed CJ her review sheet and began rattling off the facts that she had laboriously prepared. The nice part about being home-schooled is that Drea followed her own schedule. The horrible part was that her teachers were some of the most brilliant people in the world; Josh, CJ, Jed, Leo and Sam. There was no way that Drea could slack off at any of her subjects or maintain less than an A average. She had been really hoping that she could escape a bit this weekend, being that school went year-round for her, but it didn't look like it.

_It just doesn't stop, does it? Must I always be proving myself? Can't I just exist for once in my life? Can't I just have a normal life?_ The questions that always consumed Drea's mind once again surfaced throughout the plane ride. _Must I always be perfect?_

xxxxx

"Donna!"

"What have I said about yelling, Joshua?"

"You don't like it?"

"That's right. Now, speak normally, like a good boy. What do you need?"

Josh sighed deeply and ran his hands over his face, "The catering menu."

Donna raised an eyebrow as she made her way to Josh's office from his kitchen. They had been working like this since right after Bartlet's administration ended. Josh had moved Drea to Southern California and had asked Donna if she wanted to come. Having nothing else to do and hoping to start college courses, Donna willingly followed and lived down the street from Josh and Drea until her marriage six years ago. "CJ is trusting you to choose the menu for her wedding?"

"It's my wedding, too, and yes she is, because she loves me," Josh argued his friend.

"Whatever. Anyway, how many days away is this thing?" Donna grabbed her binder marked "WEDDING" and settled herself in her usual chair.

"15 days. 15 days until I get married and 30 days until we leave for Italy."

"Ok, well, this morning, I confirmed the florist and the priest. You need to get a final guest list and menu to the caterers and the banquet hall and check in with the travel agent about your honeymoon, which I'm not doing because that's just wrong."

"Why?"

"Why is it wrong for your assistant to plan your honeymoon?" Donna raised her eyebrow skeptically, "Really, Joshua, I'm going to pretend that you didn't ask that."

"Why?"

"Well, Curious George, a honeymoon is a very personal thing and I'd really rather not make the arrangements."

Josh rolled his eyes, "Donnatella, you're ridiculous."

"And you love me."

"Always."

The two old friends shared a secret smile and then quickly went back to work. 


	11. Plane Rides and Revelations

xxxxx 

This is my fourth plane ride in less than a month and I think I'm developing claustrophobia. Especially when I have to behave myself. 

I'm sitting next to my wife. My wonderful, amazing, fabulous wife who should never, ever, by the way, wear clothes again as far as I'm concerned and I'm trapped on a plane for twenty-eight hours.

I'm not a patient man.

My 13-year-old daughter is also sitting next to my wife and Drea's getting more attention from CJ than I am.

I am also not a fan of sharing.

The wedding was fabulous. There were more people there than I knew what to do with, although I couldn't tell you any of their names. It was all a blur from the first strains of "Here Comes the Bride" to when CJ looked into my eyes and said, "I do." 

That was all I needed. I've been on cloud nine for fifteen days now. My fantastic wife, Claudia Jean Lyman, and I honeymooned at this old plantation home in Georgia that's been turned into a bed and breakfast. Five days of blissful peace. I love Drea to distraction but I haven't been away from her for anymore than a day since she was born and it was nice to have a break.

But now I'm on a plane to Rome. Tomorrow is opening exercises and then she has four days off before her first prelim.

"Dad," Drea leans over CJ to tap my arm.

"Yeah?"

"When we get home, I want to take acting lessons."

My heart nearly jumped to my throat. "What?"

"Acting lessons, " she grinned up at me, "Oh! And maybe voice lessons, too."

I hated to break it to her, "Sweetie, us Lyman's are known to be pretty tone deaf."

"Well, who says that I'm all Lyman? Grandma says that I have Mom's voice," Drea raised her eyebrow triumphantly. I forgot that Felicity's mom still keeps in touch with Drea.

"Ok, well, we'll look into it." Drea returns to the book she was reading and I reach for CJ's hand. "Acting lessons?" I hiss into her ear.

"I meant to talk to you about it," she whispered back. "When we were in New York, Drea decided that she wanted to try her hand at Broadway after the Olympics."

"She doesn't aim low, does she?"

"Learned it from her father."

I squeak out a 'yeah' as she squeezes my hand once again. We both stare into space and I wonder what she's thinking.

xxxxx

I wonder what he's thinking.

I've known since New York that Drea's new dream is to be the next Elizabeth Cronin. Elizabeth, by the way, was the Narrator in the production of _Joseph_ that we saw. She's phenomenal. What Drea is to swimming, Elizabeth is to musical theater. At 26, she's starred in three musicals and won a Tony for her role in the revival of _Joseph._

And when Drea grows up, she wants to be Elizabeth.

Josh hates theater.

Hates it with an unimaginable passion.

That's one of the reasons we all knew that he was in love with Felicity. He would sit through hours and hours of operas, just to be near her.

Josh is someone that throws himself at his passions wholeheartedly. There's no middle of the road for him. It's one of the things that I love about him, and it's one of the things that drives Drea nuts.

"I love him," she told me over dinner in New York, "I really do. He's just always, well, there. I feel like I have no life outside of him. My whole world is my father and I've always loved that, but now…" She trailed off, but I could finish the sentence for her. She's turning 14 in a few months and there have been a lot of changes in her life. Josh can be pretty overbearing.

But he's just so cute when he is.

I think I'll keep him.

xxxxx

Well, I did it. I told my father that I want to be an actress.

I might as well have said that I wanted to join the Republican Party. 

Mom told me to wait until after the Games, but maybe now he'll talk about something other than swimming.

I'm just so sick of it. He over analyzes everything and rehashes everything until I know how to make it perfect. Absolute perfection at all times.

It's nauseating.

Quite frankly, I have no life.

I have no friends.

And I know why. I'm a snob. Or, at least everyone else assumes I am. I only hang out with my father and his ultra-famous friends. I turn down invitations to sleep-overs and pizza parties, because I'm too afraid to ask permission.

I'm not stupid. I figured out fairly early that I'm what keeps Dad from having attacks. And if I ever left him, he'd be unable to function and too many people depend on him, so I forgo all social activities with people my age to be with my dad. 

Please don't get me wrong, I love him. My dad is the man. But I'd rather he learn how to be the man from a distance, you know? Because now he has Mom to keep him from attacks and I can be normal again, right?

Right?

xxxxx

The Lyman family hadn't spoken for five minutes. And for that family, that was amazing. The trio stood in the Sistine Chapel, staring at the ceiling. Drea finally broke the silence, "Can you ever imagine being that good at anything?"

Josh raised his eyebrow, "Drea, you're the fastest woman in the water at least in the US, possibly in the world."

"Yeah, but what is swimming? I win a gold medal, big whoop. What have I contributed to society? What have I done to make other people's lives better? Nothing," Drea countered her father.

"Drea, an Olympic gold medal is nothing to sneeze at," CJ put her arm around Drea's shoulder. 

"Oh, I know that, Mom. It's just that, well, the medal is for me. It's to prove to myself that I can do it. The medal is the reward for racing the clock and that's great and all, it's just so fleeting. Because in four years, someone will come along and win the same I event I won and them I'm not even a memory anymore, I'm just a name in the history books," Drea sighed. "And I'd like to be more than that. I'd like to be remembered as someone who changed the world. "

"And you think acting will do that?" Josh asked.

CJ could have hit him. _We're going to start that now, Joshua? It couldn't wait until we're not in a holy sanctuary?  
_  
"I'm not sure, Dad," Drea replied honestly. Someone shushed them and she replied more quietly, "I'm not sure. But I do know this. When I was watching _Joseph_ something inside of me clicked. Almost like a spark of something I never knew was there. Tomorrow, I'm going to put on a suit, step on a block and swim, just like I've done a million times. It's just not like it used to be. I'm sorry."

Josh felt as though someone had punched him in the stomach. With the wind knocked out of him, Josh pulled his daughter into a hug, "No, it's me who should be sorry. You've always risen to every task that I've asked you to, I tend to forget that you're really still a child. Drea, if you want to be an actress, then you will be. I can't promise you fame or fortune, but I will do everything within my power to give you your dreams."

CJ knew that Josh thought he was saying the right words, but she knew he wasn't. The very last thing Drea wanted to hear right now was that Josh was going to help her with her new ambition. Acting was something Drea figured Josh would never ever want to help her with. Something that could truly just be Drea's. And her thoughts were confirmed by the slouch in Drea's shoulders as Josh hugged her.

As Drea pulled away from him, she smiled weakly at her dad. "Thanks, Papa Bear." Making brief eye contact with CJ, Drea quickly turned her back on her parents and wiped tears from her eyes.

_Oh, Josh_, CJ moaned inwardly_, if you hold her too tightly, you're going to crush her._


	12. Fugue in D Minor

**Author Note**: Someone brought up that it may be a little early for Drea to call CJ 'mom'. I want to point out that CJ is really the only mom that Drea has ever known. I kind of imagine her referring to CJ as mom on and off in her head and now she can finally do it out loud. Does that make sense?

Anyway – here's the next chapter. It's brief. And you'll all hate me because I can't update for a little bit since I'm graduating from college on Sunday and have a lot of stuff to do between now and then. R/R!

xxxxx

"Hey, Charlie," Zoey Young called from the kitchen.

"Yeah?" 

"Have you heard from Josh?"

"No," Charlie called from his recliner in the living room.

Zoey got up and leaned against the doorframe, facing her husband, "It's just strange. I thought Drea's prelim was this morning. He always calls right after her races."

"Well, Zoey, they're in Italy. It's probably a little expensive to call all of us," Charlie explained, ever the logical one.

"Yeah," Zoey turned to go.

"Zo," he reached for her hand.

"Yeah," she replied, wrapping her fingers around his.

"If you're really curious, call your mom."

Smiling, Zoey leaned down for a kiss and then made her way to phone to dial her all-knowing mother.

xxxxx

"Mom," Five-year-old Allison Patterson raced into the kitchen.

Donnatella Moss-Patterson finished the dish she was drying and turned to scoop her daughter into her arms, "What have I told you about running in the house?"

"I'm sorry, Mama, but- "

"No buts, young lady."

"Sorry, Mama."

Donna smiled and kissed her daughter on the nose, "That's ok, love. What's up?"

"Drea's race is up next!"

"Why didn't you say something earlier?" Drea released Allison and followed her into their family room, where the television was already tuned to the channel that was carrying the Olympics.

"I tried, but you were too busy yelling at me," Allison defended herself.

Biting her lip to keep herself from smiling, Donna settled into the couch. "Never mind. Did you tell Daddy?"

And with that, Allison was off and running to find her father in his workshop.

xxxxx

Across the world, Josh and CJ were nervously awaiting their daughter's entrance into the natatorium. 

"They announced her race ten minutes ago, what's wrong?" Josh checked his watch one more time and whined to his wife.

"She's probably just double checking her blood sugar," CJ reassured her spastic husband.

"But she's never late coming onto the floor. I'm staring to get worried that they'll start without her."

CJ smirked, "And face your wrath? I'm not sure God would risk that."

Kissing the smirk off of her face, Josh was too busy to notice that they were paging over the loudspeaker. 

xxxxx 


	13. What Do You Mean?

**Author Note**: So sorry about the delay. I now officially have a bachelor's degree – strange. Also, apologies for the cliffhanger.

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"I really don't think you understand, doctor," Josh seethed. "My baby girl is lying unconscious on the floor of the locker room and you're telling me that I can't be in there with her? That's ridiculous!"

"Mr. Lyman," Dr. Bristow, the highly trained sports physician overseeing the swimming venue, was struggling to keep his patience, "I assure you that we have the best team of doctors working with Drea right now. I was requested to keep all non-medical personnel out of the locker room. It's a small space, sir, and there's really nothing you can do."

It had been five minutes since the medical staff began paging Josh and CJ. Racing down to the trainer's station, they met Woody, who was as equally confused and frantic as they were. After the three were quickly briefed by the head physician on staff, Woody had gone to the judges table to implore them to postpone Drea's race until the reason for her collapse could be determined. The judges had done better than that; they had ordered all swimming events to cease until the mystery was cleared up.

CJ had been trying to control Josh, but to no avail. After terrorizing every person who crossed his path, Josh had finally pushed his way through the barricade outside the locker room only to come face to face with Dr. Bristow.

Firmly grabbing his shoulder, CJ forced her husband back to his seat. "Joshua, if you don't start to behave yourself right now, so help me God, you'll live to regret it. You are being of no help to Drea when you're like this. Let the doctors do their job. Sit down and shut up."

Casting his fiery glare onto CJ, Josh saw that he had met his match. Breathing deeply and staring intently at CJ for a few moments, he dropped her hand and stalked in the opposite direction from the locker room.

"Mrs. Lyman?" Dr. Bristow said tentatively.

CJ forced all of her attention in his direction, "Yes?"

"What I was afraid to tell Mr. Lyman was that this was in Drea's hand," he said quickly, forcing a yellow piece of paper into CJ's hands. Quickly turning, he retreated back into the locker room.

In a daze, CJ made her way back to her seat and slowly unfolded the letter.

"Mom and Dad,

Seriously, I never thought it would come to this. And I'm so sorry I'm disappointing you. I'm sorry you'll never have your medals or the glory that you expected me to bring to the family. I love you, but I can't carry on this façade any more.

I hate swimming. I hate it with the holiest of passions. Chlorine makes me gag and the thought of exerting any energy just to swim a lap of a pool makes me nauseous.

I don't know what makes me happy anymore. I thought acting would, and I was willing to give it a shot, but after all of our conversations over the past few days, I knew that it would never happen. Even if I did achieve some sort of success as an actress, Dad would still be there, ever my shadow.

I am going to be 14 in two months and I have no friends under the age of forty. Does that seem a little ridiculous to anyone else?

Dad, you stopped talking about Mother so long ago that I don't feel I even know her. Maybe now I'll get the chance.

I love you both and I'll miss you.

I'm sorry. I just wanted you to be proud of me, not of the me you created.

Drea"

CJ felt the letter slip from her hand as the sobs began to rack her body. _She committed suicide. My precious Rebecca Andrea Lyman, who has been my daughter since the day she was born, committed suicide. What went wrong?_

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"Jed, get in here!" Abbey Bartlet screamed to her husband.

"What?" the former President stumbled into the living room.

"Shh," Abbey scolded, him, violently gesturing towards the television. 

"We've just received reports," the television news anchor informed his viewers, "that 13-year-old Olympian Rebecca Lyman has collapsed in the locker room of the swimming venue. It is unknown at this time the cause of the accident, but Rebecca has been declared in critical condition at the Olympic Village Hospital, where she is still unconscious. We're going to take you now to our own Daniel Anderson, who is standing outside the Hospital. Daniel?"

The television was forgotten as Dr. Bartlet flew into action. "Jed, call the travel agent and get us on the next plane to Rome. I'll call everyone I know and try to fine out anything – "

Not intentionally, Jed began to drown his wife's ramblings out. _What do they mean she collapsed? She should be standing on a podium right now with a medal around her neck, listening to the National Anthem. What do they mean she collapsed?_

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"What?"

Toby Ziegler almost dropped the phone.

"She's what?"

Glancing down at the papers carpeting his desk, he tried to process all that Sam was telling him over the phone.

"I don't understand. She just collapsed?"

Leaning back in his chair, Toby let the words of his frantic friend flow over him.

"Are we all going?"

Nodding, he fought the tears that were creeping into the corners of his eyes. _Not Drea. No way._

"I'll be there in twenty minutes. You leave without me and I'll chain you to a pole in a crawl space, you hear me?"

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"OK, the tuna salad that we had for dinner last night is on the bottom shelf and there's more of that bread that you like in the freezer. I was at Wegman's today and I picked up some more juice, so Allison should be good for a while. Please don't forget to take your Prilosec; you know you'll have horrible heartburn if you don't, or any of your other vitamins for that matter – "

"Donna –"

" – I should only be gone for a few days, are you sure you're going to be ok?" Donna looked nervously at her husband, who was wearing quite a bemused expression.

Jack Patterson wrapped his arms around his wife and kissed her one last time, "Donnatella, go be with your family. Don't come back until Drea, Josh and CJ are back to normal. Allison and I will do fine without you, except for missing you terribly, but you better scoot!" Giving her a playful slap on the backside to shove her out the door, Jack hoisted her luggage over his shoulder and placed it in the car that would provide Donna's ride to the airport. She would fly to Dulles, where she would meet up with the other former members of the Senior Staff and Bartlet family. Due to Ellie's connections to the President, President Herington had graciously offered a government airplane as transportation to Italy.

_Dear Lord, if this girl doesn't recover, I swear the world will end,_ he thought to himself and he watched his fearful wife pull out of the driveway. _At least mine will._

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Why is it that we always meet around hospital beds?

The first time, we were surrounding Josh and Jed. Then it was Drea. Then Sam had that horrific bought with pneumonia right after he and Melissa were married and we all schlepped to San Antonio to make sure he was ok. After that, Jed had that really bad attack and we found ourselves in New Hampshire, making sure that Abbey took her Valium.

We gather for weddings, too, but there have only been three of those since the end of the administration. There have been other significant events that we've all gotten together for, but never like we do when one of our own is down.

She's thirteen for the love of St. Peter. When I was thirteen, my biggest problem was avoiding Jed's dad. Drea's problems overwhelmed her so heavily that she felt the need to force herself into diabetic shock.

She's actually done it a few times before; eaten things she's not supposed to, I mean. M&M's seem to be her weakness. I'm sure that Josh and CJ would have thought nothing of it if it hadn't been for the note.

Dear God, the note.

I've been through some pretty serious shit in my life, but it's never been that bad. My marriage collapsed, I nearly ruined the lives of everyone close to me, I alienated my daughter, I helped run a government inebriated, not to mention the eight years of hell I suffered as Chief of Staff, but it's never been bad enough to write a note explaining to my parents why my life sucked so I was getting it over with.

I just don't understand how we didn't know. We're a perceptive bunch, especially Toby. Josh and CJ aren't exactly the sharpest tools in the shed sometimes, especially when they get caught up in each other, but never when it comes to Drea.

I just don't understand.

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"Josh, Drea tired to commit suicide."

My wife's words have been dancing around in my head for hours now. I've read her note so many times, I have it memorized. I can't even begin to process what she meant by "I just wanted you to be proud of me, not of the me you created." What the hell is that supposed to mean?

CJ's always said that Drea's a drama queen; she gets it from her father. 

None of her note made any sense to me, so I questioned her true mother last evening. I had no idea CJ had that much pent up hostility towards me.

"Joshua!" She screamed at me, "What do you mean you have no idea what she's talking about! You've been smothering her for thirteen years!"

"Smothering?" I countered indignantly. "Is that what we're calling single-handedly raising a daughter these days?"

The eyebrow arched and I knew I was in for it. "Josh, when was the last time you asked Drea what she wanted to do? Did you ask before you put her into training? No. You told Woody that you were going to, but no."

"I knew it was the best thing for her!"

"Bullshit, Josh." A pillow flew at my head. "You wanted your daughter to be famous."

That one hurt. "Where the hell did that one come from? My desire for Drea is always that she be happy. I had no idea that she wasn't."

"Because you didn't want to! She's been shooting warning signs at you for months now! You've been the ruler of her life since the day she was born. You never back off, you never let up. It's all Josh, Josh, Josh.  
Are you even aware of the fact that Drea has no friends? Did it ever occur to you that having a former President, Chief of Staff, Communications Director and Deputy Communications director as her teachers might not be the most psychologically healthy thing for her? Seriously, Josh, do you have any idea the pressure that you've put your daughter under?" 

And until that moment, I hadn't had any idea. It all hit me like a load of bricks. CJ and I went to bed without speaking last night and both rose early to race to the hospital.

There's been no change in Drea's condition. Since she hadn't taken her insulin all day, it didn't take long for her body to use the massive amount of sugar in the soda and candy, sending her pancreas into overdrive and causing massive diabetic shock. One of the other swimmers, a girl from Japan, noticed that Drea was having a seizure and ran to contact the medical staff. By the time they got there, it was too late. Drea was already unconscious and deep into a coma.

I'm not entirely sure if there's a quota for family suffering and we have to meet it or something, but I'm getting sick of this. Would it be too hard to let me go for a whole year without anything? Is that too much to ask? 


	14. Somewhere in the Shuffle

**Author Note:** Man, your feedback is awesome, thank you so much.

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"Dear Rebecca," Josh read aloud to his groggy daughter. "You've never heard of me and I know that we'll probably never meet, but I needed to write you and tell you that I'm keeping you in my prayers. I've been a swimming coach for most of my adult life and was a competitive swimmer before that. Your quiet, humble manner has set such an example to competitors everywhere. I wish you much health and best of luck in the future. Madeline O'Connor."

"She's nice," Drea croaked out.

"Do you want to write her a thank you?" Donna offered from the corner.

"Maybe later," Drea's eyes slipped shut once again. CJ nodded to Donna, who herded Drea's various admirers out of the room with promises to come back once she had rested.

"Motor Mouse?" Josh reached for his daughter's hand.

"Mm?"

"Mom and I are going to get some coffee and then we'll be back. Have a nice nap. I love you sweetheart." Letting go of her hand, Josh found himself overwhelmingly grateful for the miracles of modern medicine.

As the door quietly clicked shut, Drea let herself slip off into a much-anticipated dream.

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The first night I had the dream, I was ten years old and had just come back from spending the weekend with Aunt Melissa and Uncle Sam. I couldn't explain it then and I can't explain it now.

I'm dressed in a dress straight out of the early 1900's. Corset and all. I get the feeling that I'm floating, but I'm walking around a carpeted hotel. It's very strange.

It's one of my favorite dreams, though, because something different happens to me every time. I'm always wearing the same dress, but that's the only constant. The first time, I was singing an aria from Mozart's Requiem. I thought I knew the meaning behind that; that's what my birth mother was singing when Dad met her. But the next time, I was dancing with this amazingly handsome man. It's strange, though, because I couldn't see his face. I just knew he was devastatingly handsome.

This time, it was the weirdest of all.

I was in the White House. 

The Mural Room, to be exact, having tea with my friends. 

First of all, I don't have any friends.

Second of all, what the heck am I doing in the White House wearing a dress like that?

I'm so confused. 

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She asked for me.

Of all of the people sitting out in the waiting room, she asks for her economics teacher.

"Drea," I whisper. "It's me, Uncle Jed. I'm here."

She smiles weakly, "Thank you."

We sit for a few minutes and I can tell that she's struggling to open her eyes. "Drea, sweetie, I love you."

Her eyes make their way open and fix themselves right into mine. "Uncle Jed, I need you to explain something for me."

I nod and push my chair closer to her bed. "What?"

Swallowing and readjusting herself, she begins. "I've been having this dream."

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"But Abbey, she was in the Mural Room!"

I couldn't believe what my husband was telling me. Impossible. Either he or Drea were making it up.

"Jed, there's no way. There's no way that it's her."

"Abigail, we've got to make Josh let her do this!" 

For about two years now, I've been at work with a few others writing a screenplay. It's finally finished and casting has begun. It's a musical set in the early 1900's about a girl named Danielle, who is mistakenly assumed to be the daughter of the French ambassador to the United States. We've been having a horrible time finding the right Danielle.

The most important scene of the film takes place in the Mural Room while Danielle is having tea with her new friends.

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There's a place everyone gets to that's known as the "breaking point." It's the point in their lives that they can't go on in their own strength. It's the point where they need their friends to come in a pick up the pieces.

In the case of Josh Lyman, he's had about ten.

It's something that we comment about a lot, I guess just because it's whom he's been for so long. Ever since that Christmas, we've all been on the lookout for signs of an attack. Donna took Felicity out one day and explained everything to her. No one ever had to tell Drea, but she's the best shield he has against it.

I think that's subconsciously why he's insisted on controlling her life. And she's so concerned about being that shield that she's cooperated with everything that he's said.

The problem is that we all forgot that she's thirteen.

Oh, Drea, forgive us.

The Olympic Committee postponed Drea's three races until today; the final day of competition. Let me tell you, it was like pulling teeth to get her to swim, but she finally did.

"Uncle Sam, don't make them make me," she begged me.

"Drea, you owe it to yourself to swim. You've got the skills to win a gold medal; at least try," I reasoned with her from her hospital bed.

"I just hate that place so much," she whimpered.

"You're not a quitter, Rebecca, so don't give me this crap that you're not going to swim."

She glared at me for a few moments and finally sighed, "Fine. Three races. That's it."

That was four days ago.

There's this little nagging voice inside of me that says that we really shouldn't be pushing her. But this is for her own good, it really is. I'd hate myself if I made it all the way to the Olympics and then didn't swim because I didn't feel like it.

All of us are on her all the time, though. She's not staying in the Village; she's staying in Donna's hotel room. None of us thought that having her and Josh in the same room would be a good idea at the moment and Donna seemed like the best candidate.

Four hours to go until the first race.

Dear God, let her survive.

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I hate him.

I hate him with an unimaginable passion.

And I'm going to prove to him that I can do it.

He thinks I'm too weak to swim.

"Drea," he says, "you probably shouldn't swim quite yet. You've put your body through a lot."

No, Dad, you've put my body through a lot. I was trying to give it some relief.

But not now. Now it's got to win three gold medals.

And it's going to.

If for no other reason than my Dad said it couldn't, it will.

Even if it's the last thing I do. 

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Well, she won.

All three races.

Rebecca Andrea Lyman has gone down in history as a triple-Olympic-gold medallist. She set one Olympic record and a world record in the process.

She's remarkable, she is.

And I'm her father.

And she hates me.

If I didn't have CJ, I don't know what I'd do.

Drea's newest endeavor is the Bartlet's newest, also. She's been cast as Danielle in the movie that they're backing. Independent, small budget, but Drea loves it.

I'm keeping my mouth shut. Things seem to go better when I do that.

I just want her to be happy. How did that get so lost in all of this shuffle?

I just want her to be happy.

Dear God, let her be happy.

That's all I can ask. 


	15. Open Rebellion

**Author Note: **This chapter begins the final installment of Drea's story. I call this movement 'Full Circle'. Thank you again for your generous and kind feedback. It is for you all that I write.

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"Dad, I'm getting married."

I nearly chocked on my own spit.

"Drea, you're 18."

"Exactly. It's finally legal."

My indignant daughter had the traditional Lyman smirk plastered onto her face and I knew that there was nothing that I could do to stop her.

"What's his name?" 

"Brian."

I sighed and stuck a forkful of Chicken Con Bianco into my mouth. "Brian what, Drea."

"Brian Biehn."

I spit out my food, "Bean? You're marrying a boy with the last name of Bean?"

"Biehn. B-i-e-h-n. He's actually Kerstin and Billy Biehn's oldest son. You know them."

Normally, this would make me feel better. I love Kerstin. I just know her by her maiden name; Norman. Kerstin Jessamine Norman is CJ's favorite singer. We have all of her CD's and have seen her in concert many, many times, usually name dropping in order to get backstage. CJ discovered her right after what's known as the continental divide in our family – the Olympics – and we've all loved her ever since.

But, I also know that Kerstin and Billy are having problems right now with their especially rebellious eldest child. Problems to the tune of boarding school in Switzerland.

And my daughter is marrying him.

_ sigh _

I miss CJ.

"Drea, what do you think your mom's going to say?" I questioned.

"She said it was ok with her, " Drea replied haughtily.

My heart dropped. CJ's blessing was worth a whole lot more than any denial of mine. 

"Well, then, " I managed, "it's ok with me."

Flashing me one of her world-famous smiles, she gathered her purse and left Olive Garden. She never touched me; she hadn't for four years.

After we returned from Italy, Drea immediately stopped speaking to me. All conversation was through CJ. She's gotten a little better about that, but communication is still limited. Her official stage name is Rebecca Cregg. She's done everything within her power over the past four years to deny that she's my daughter. Oh, she loves CJ. But, oh, how she loathes me. 

I retired about two years ago – but CJ's kept on working. She was transferred to Lexington, Kentucky about three months ago. Drea is about two weeks away from graduating high school. Once she graduates and goes off to college, I'll move to Lexington with CJ – reunited at last.

This whole marriage revelation is going to throw quite a monkey wrench into the works, though.

I motion for the waitress to bring me my check and my fingers move themselves towards my temples.

Dear God, what have I raised?

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2:43

Drea has most definitely told Josh her plans by now.

Kerstin and Billy were in town last night for her concert at Asbury College, which is about 20 minutes outside of Lexington in this quaint little town called Wilmore. I drove out to see them and the concert, but Billy and I spent almost the entire thing talking about this newest development.

"I know you're worried about Drea," Billy said, "but I'm petrified about Brian."

"Billy, do you remember when we first met?" I whispered.

He reached for his wallet, "Here's their first picture ever taken together." It was taken two weeks after the Games ended. Drea had her medals around her neck and Brian was staring at her like she was the sun and moon and sky. "He loved her the moment he met her."

"Do you –" I stopped mid-sentence.

"What?" He leaned back in his chair.

"Do you think that she loves him as much?"

He sighed, "No. Do you think she's doing it to escape?"'

"Escape Josh? Yeah."

With those three words, I had voiced the deepest fear of my heart. That my daughter would hate us so much that she had that violent desire to escape. A desire strong enough to marry someone she didn't love just to get out of our house.

I didn't cry until this morning, though. I awoke at 2:15 and began looking through the scrapbooks I've kept of everything.

The Olympics; 'Case of Identities', Drea's first movie, in which she changed her name from Drea Lyman to Rebecca Cregg, cementing her hatred of Josh; Josh's retirement party; Drea's subsequent movie premieres; the Academy Awards; everything.

Of course, I left out some of the most significant events, like meeting Kerstin and Billy, Charlie and Zoey's first child, my transfer to Lexington, when Josh took me to Bermuda for our one-year anniversary and we wept together on the rocks for who Drea had become.

I know we're both weeping right now, just hundreds of miles apart.

I miss him so much my heart aches.

But I don't know who makes it ache more; my absentee husband or my lost daughter. 

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Brian's mom is awesome.

I know that she hates what's going on, but she's supporting us anyway.

"I'd, personally," she told me last night, "wait until it was legal to drink champagne at my own reception, but I've already had my wedding, Drea. This is yours. And if you really want to go through with it, we have no right to stop you."

My dad? "Absolutely not."

My mom? "Drea, honey, are you sure?"

His dad? "I think you're being impetuous, but it's your life."

Brian hates his parents – I have no idea why. I think they're awesome. Kerstin is possibly my favorite human being on the planet – I can't imagine how he could hate her.

"Your dad is awesome, Bec, and yet you refuse to be in the same room with him for longer than 22 minutes," he pointed out once.

I've decided that my limit with Joshua is 22 minutes and if I refer to him as Joshua it reminds me that he really isn't my father – he's the man who provided the sperm.

How Mom, either one of them, could ever stand to be married to that waste of flesh is beyond me.

But back to Kerstin.

She called me last night to see what the latest news was on the wedding.

"Oh, we've decided to elope," I replied casually.

There was a long pause.

"Bec, I've been quiet about this whole thing, until now. If you really love Brian and Brian really loves you and the two of you have decided to spend the rest of your lives together, that's fine. That's wonderful! You're both adults now, and it's time you make your own decisions, and if you want my support, you have it. But you are not eloping."

I told her that I would talk about it with Brian and then she turned into Joshua.

"If you do this and rush into, it'll be the biggest mistake of your life."

I quickly said goodbye and then slammed down the phone.

I am so freaking tired of other people telling me what to do! I am 18 freaking years old and I think I know who I am and what I want and how to get it!

And if getting married is then only way out of this godforsaken family then so be it.

Even if means getting married to Brian Biehn. 


	16. Picture Frames

**Author Note: **Just three chapters to go, friends…

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They're yelling again.

They managed to be civil in front of the Biehns, but all parties involved were visibly uncomfortable.

So, here I sit in my kitchen, alone, with my daughter and my husband screaming at each other in the living room.

I'm so sick of all of this.

"I'm coming to my only daughter's wedding."

Oh, dear. So, we're getting into this topic now, Josh? Definitely against your better judgment. 

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"I'm coming to my only daughter's wedding," Josh huffed.

"No, you're not," Drea replied coolly. "It's my wedding. I choose the guest list. This is one area of my life that you have absolutely no say in, Joshua."

"I'm paying for this wedding, Rebecca Andrea Lyman and I'm coming to it."

"So now your money buys you my love?" Drea's eyebrow arched. "You don't have enough money for that, Joshua. And, we've discussed the fact that my name is Rebecca Cregg."

"That's it!" Josh let out a primal scream that shook the living room. "You're name is not Rebecca Cregg. I signed your birth certificate. Your name is Rebecca Andrea Lyman. Lyman is your last name – it always has been and it will be until you marry someone! Secondly, my name, as far as you're concerned, is Dad. For 18 years now, my name has been Dad and I'm not quite sure why that changed."

"You lost the right to be called Dad, Joshua. You forfeited it a long time ago," Drea replied.

"What?" Josh shrieked incredulously. "When? When did I sign something waving my rights and privileges as your father?"

"When you decided to run my life for me," she replied.

Josh sighed. "Drea, I want to have this conversation with you more than life itself, but I can't function mentally when you're calling me Joshua. If we're going to talk and resolve this, which I am so ready to do, I need you to either not use a name for me at all or call me Dad."

Drea stared at him for a minute, as though pondering the ramifications of her consent. After a few tense moments, she sighed. "Fine, Dad."

Josh's heart jumped. Perhaps the Drea that used to be wasn't so lost after all. "So, Drea, why do you hate me?"

Her left eyebrow arched and she cast a look at CJ.

CJ held up her hands, "No. I've been in between every argument since the two of you started having arguments. I'm not your go-between anymore. You need to do this on your own."

Drea bit her lip and stood. Moving to the mantle above the fireplace, she picked up a framed picture of her and Josh. She was about 10 years old and the two had flown to the Bartlet's Manchester farm for the weekend. The family has just returned from Drea's first trail ride. The little girl's crooked pig tails and semi-toothless grin shined as the focal point of the picture. But one's eyes eventually traveled to the stance of the man behind her. Even a casual observer could tell by Josh Lyman's posture and the way his arm embraced Drea that he loved his daughter with everything that he is. It was a few years before that man would give his heart to another woman, so at that moment, it belonged solely to Drea.

Tears began to slowly fill her eyes as she began to gather her thoughts. "I remember this day."

Josh shifted in his chair, but remained silent. He had waited years for Drea to speak to him – he wasn't about to take any chances. 

"You were my whole world. I remember having a few casual playmates, but they fell so short compared to my daddy and his friends. Aunt Donna, Aunt Abbey, Uncle Jed, Uncle Sam, Mom – they were even cooler than the movie stars on TV. I mean, Dad, my earliest memories are of the White House. That, for starters, is a little unusual." She finally turned to face Josh. "I can remember sitting on a dark wooden table with a lot of papers strewn all around me and a lot of people in the room and you were yelling."

CJ scoffed, "Not a rare occasion, Drea. You dad likes to yell."

Drea smiled sadly, "I remember that, too."

Josh waited for a moment and then broke the silence, "Did I ever yell at you? Because I don't remember ever having to reprimand you."

"No, Aunt Donna and Mom did that," Drea giggled. She paused, indicating that she had more to say, but was afraid to say it.

"You remember my PTSD attacks, don't you?" Josh spoke softly.

Drea nodded, "Yeah."

Their eyes met and they stared into each other's souls for a bit until Josh finally broke the silence. "I remember that night. It was the night before Bartlet's last State of the Union address. I couldn't find a baby-sitter and Stacy was on vacation, so I trucked you into the Roosevelt Room and let you entertain yourself."

"You must have sat on everyone's lap that night," CJ mused. "You were only four years old, but no one would have guessed that."

"You were so well-behaved, Drea," Josh said with pride. "It was almost as if you knew the sheer magnitude of what was happening. You wandered around the room, eating everyone's food and preventing all of us from going insane."

"I think I did know," Drea interjected quietly.

Josh and CJ sat quietly, imploring Drea to continue. 

"Dad, I figured out a long time ago that I am, or I was, you key to sanity. I've always known that greatness was expected of me. There was never any middle ground for me. I won. I conquered. I needed to be the best. Failure has never been an option," she paused. "Dad, what was my graduating GPA?"

"3.9?"

"4.3. My SAT score?"

"1490?"

"1560."

Josh sat in stunned silence for a moment while Drea looked intently at her father. "Were we ever normal, Dad?"

"What do you mean?"

"Were we, the two of us, as a family, ever just the status quo?"

Josh paused. Standing, he moved to the fireplace, where Drea was still standing fingering the picture. "You know, I asked CJ that very same question about 16 years ago."

"That's quite a while," Drea smiled.

"I asked her the night that you were diagnosed. I wanted to know if my life could ever become normal. I wanted a nice, predictable job with a nice, predictable wife, dog, two kids, etcetera. I did not think that juggling a high-level job at the White House, an infant daughter with diabetes and having to patch my life back together again after Lis died was very fair. Your mom almost laughed at me."

Drea's eyes went wide, "She what?"

"She almost laughed at me. The gist of her little speech was that "to whom much is given, much is required." Drea, we'll never be normal. You're almost drowning in all the gifts that you've been given. You're like a super child or something! I am so unbelievably proud of you!"

Drea's face twisted, "For what? I've won some medals, earned some gold statues, smiled at a lot of photo shoots. But what have I ever done to make you proud of me?"

Josh felt the tears fill his eyes. "Well, for a while there, you were coming home at the end of the day."

His answer caught Drea completely off-guard. "What?"

"All you have ever had to do to make me proud of you was run into my arms at the end of the day. Since you haven't done that in a while, I've found an abundance of other things. You have this gift that makes people adore you. No matter what you've done or how you've done it, people still follow you in throngs. But you've never abused that privilege. You're still one of the most humble and genuine people I know. I've come to the conclusion that a large part of that is because you focus all of your negative energy on hating me."

Drea was crying at this point. She had been staring at the picture until Josh's last sentence. She then let her eyes sink deep into Josh's. "Papa Bear, I have never hated you."

"What?"

"I've never hated my Papa Bear, but you stopped being that a long time ago."

"I'm confused."

"Right around the time that I qualified for the Games, you turned into this victory-crazed manager. It became as though your love for me depended on how much time it took me to swim two laps of a pool. I figured it was swimming you were obsessed with, so I told you I wanted to be an actress, hoping that you'd tell me that I was on my own. But you didn't – so I knew I had to get out." Drea couldn't believe that she was telling him all of this.

The small family sat in silence for a few peaceful moments while Drea's explination sunk into their hearts. Finally, CJ cleared her throat.

"Drea, why are you getting married?"

"Because I love Brian," she replied automatically.

"No, you don't. You tolerate him," CJ responded.

"What?" Drea said. "How would you know?"

"Because women get a certain look about them when they're in love, and you've never had that look."

Before Josh even knew what he was saying, the words tumbled out of his mouth. "Drea, are you marrying Brian to escape me?"

She hesitated. Finally, very softly, "Yeah." 


	17. Papa Bear and Motor Mouse

**Author Note: **Yeah, it's been forever. Sorry, I'm pond scum for not updating… but it's this chapter and then one more and we're done folks! Enjoy…

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_Before Josh even knew what he was saying, the words tumbled out of his mouth. "Drea, are you marrying Brian to escape me?"_

She hesitated. Finally, very softly, "Yeah."

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A silence enveloped the room where the fractured family sat. Josh was afraid to speak, CJ was speechless and Drea was too busy collecting the tears that were steaming down her cheeks.

"Drea, I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am," Josh began.

"No, Dad, don't. Don't start that," Drea held up her hand. "That road will take us right back where we were. I know you're sorry. And I'm sorry that I've been such a brat. You probably deserved some of what I dished out to you, but definitely not all of it."

"Drea, where do you want to go from here?" CJ spoke up.

"Not down an aisle, I can tell you that much," she replied. "I honestly don't know. I don't think that it would be a good idea if I live in this house, but I know I can't marry Brian. Dad, I love you and I forgive you, but I don't think that it would be a good idea if we lived under the same roof right now."

Josh nodded in agreement. "You could probably call the Bartlet's and stay with them for a while."

CJ chuckled, "Joshua, did you forget what your daughter did for a living? New Hampshire isn't exactly convenient for her."

"Actually, Dad, I was thinking of maybe Nashville."

"What's there?"

"A recording contract with Kerstin's record company," Drea smiled.

"Are you serious?" Josh's eyes went wide. "You're going to live near Brian?"

She shook her head, "Not really. After we got married, Brian was going to go to Syracuse while I did…well, I'm not quite sure what I thought I was going to do, but he's Syracuse bound in the fall."

"Well, then, sure. You know your mom and I are behind you 100 whatever you end up doing," Josh replied. 

"Just make sure you're 100 behind me from a distance for a while, ok?" Drea warned.

"Are we on probation?" Josh joked.

"Yeah, that's exactly what you're on."

Josh rolled his eyes. CJ rose and made her way to the kitchen. Grabbing the portable phone, she handed it to Drea. Drea's eyes went wide and her mouth silently formed an 'oh'.

"What am I going to do with that Mom?" Drea asked nervously.

"You're going to call Brian and tell him everything that just happened in the past five minutes. And you're going to do it now, Rebecca Andrea Lyman and you're not going to give me any lip about it. Mother knows best," CJ replied authoritatively.

"It's been a long time since I believed that," Drea said quietly. Reaching for the phone, she closed her eyes for the briefest moment before beginning to dial the numbers she knew so well.

"Brian? It's me. Yeah, so we have to talk."

She rose quietly and made her way to the bedroom.

Josh and CJ looked at each other for a long moment before CJ finally moved to fold Josh into her embrace. 

"I'm proud of you, Papa Lyman," she whispered into his ear.

"Really?" Josh spoke back softly.

"More than you know, Joshua. You just won back our daughter."

"Yeah, I did, didn't I?"

CJ groaned, "I just fed the ego didn't I?"

"Yup, you definitely did that," Josh replied.

CJ laughed and broke the embrace. "Remember what Bartlet told you the night that Lis called you on the plane?"

"That I wanted a girl?"

"Yeah. You understand now?"

Josh paused for a moment and looked at the closed bedroom door for a long moment before finally answering his beloved. "Yeah, Claudia Jean. I think I finally understand." 


End file.
